66 - Another Dumb Man

She hurt.  Holy cow did she hurt. 

”Ms. Bennett, I’m gonna give you somethin’ to help ease the pain.”  Lilah squinted up into the blindingly bright light and the cute little brunette whose head blocked the center of it.  “Right after, I’ll let that very impatient lookin’ man of yours come back ‘n’ see you, okay?”

“Man?” Lilah bit of the word on a stifled groan.  “What man?”

The light went full-force, blinding her again as the petite girl bent her head over Lilah’s forearm and the IV tubing

“Well, I didn’t catch his name, but he’s pacin’ the waitin’ area like a caged tiger.  Dark hair… tattoos.”

The generic description could have fit any one of half a million people in Kentucky, but it didn’t describe any of the men in her family.  In fact, of the people she knew personally, it fit only two. 

“Well I woke up this mornin’… I rolled outta bed… I felt like dog…. who’d been kicked in the-“

Lilah swiped her finger to silence the alarm, falling back in bed and squeezing her eyes shut.  It was a futile attempt at resuming the dream so she could see the mysterious man from the waiting room. 

After about five minutes, she gave up and threw back the lightweight comforter with a sigh.  She had no time for silly conjured indulgences.  There were threads to be picked back up and woven into the fabric of her life. 

Today’s objective…  Joanna. 

✧✧✧

Lilah’s sparkly flip flop came to rest on the steaming asphalt of Clay Street, and she put her weight on it, swinging her body out of the car.  Ducking her head back inside, she slipped the keys into the pocket of her lightweight cotton capris and hooked her fingers through the carryout bag from Joanna’s favorite restaurant. 

Her apartment was clean, laundry washed and put away, the cupboards were stocked and her baby chick had been appropriately mothered.  Next item on the Welcome-Home-Lilah-Jane agenda was some girl time with her bestie.

Looking up and down the quaint retail block lined with boutique businesses, she strolled up the short walkway to Jo’s place and, noticing the owner of the pet bakery next door getting out of her car, tossed up her fingers in a friendly wave.   After exchanging pleasantries, Lilah trotted up the three wide porch steps and twisted the knob, using her hip to bump open the slightly sticky door of Bluegrass Belle Bridal Boutique. 

The familiar tinkling of the overhead bell made her smile. 

Joanna had started Belle about ten years ago in a renovated house that was just around the block from her own home .  It had been – and was – the perfect business venture for her socially skillful friend.   She got to ‘play Barbies’ with the assortment of women who came into the shop, offering the benefit of her keenly expert eye as to what might be best suited to the bride-to-be and her gang of girls. 

While she loved it, the shop itself was actually the smaller half of Jo’s passion.  It was the bridal consultant/coordinator side of the business that made her happiest with its millions of organizational details.  Even when she wasn’t feeling on top of the world, Jo could make phone calls and do online research while her small staff carried out the day-to-day physical requirements of the shop. 

In Lilah’s personal opinion, the biggest perk Belle offered Jo was the ability to increase or restrict her workload according to her health.  Of course, Joanna was one of those people that thought she could conquer the world on any given day, so she tended to over-obligate herself, assuming she was always going to be feeling fine as frog hair.  When she got blindsided with a particularly bad day, the handful of girls that acted as her staff instantly became worth their weight in gold.  The three assistants never hesitated or faltered when they were asked to step in and fill a gap.  

“Hi Chloe.”  Seating her sunglasses on top of her head, she greeted the ivory-skinned brunette who was busily typing at the corner desk. 

A radiant smile lit the young woman’s face and she tossed her sleek curtain of hair back with a grin.  “Hey, Lilah!  Welcome home.  How was your trip?”

“It was good, thanks.  Is Jo in her office?”

From her their brief text exchange earlier in the day, Lilah knew her friend had planned to be here as opposed to home, but you never knew when an errand might take her out.

“Yeah.  The florist for the Wilson wedding bailed on us this morning and the ceremony is this weekend.  She’s trying to find somebody to do exotic tropical bouquets with, like, no notice.”

Pulling her face into a mask of disgust, Lilah sympathetically shook her head.  It was situation normal in Wedding World, and last minute pitfalls were Joanna’s specialty.  She had turned tragedy into triumph again and again, earning herself a stellar reputation in the community. 

“And if she can’t, she’ll do ‘em herself,” was Lilah’s perceptive chuckle even while her stomach was clenching with trepidation.  Her friend in crisis mode was productive, but not always agreeable.  It might not be the best timing for this little reunion, but she was here now.  There was no point in putting it off.  Besides, they had to eat, right? 

“You know it!  Enjoy your lunch.”

“Thanks, Chloe.”

Reminding herself of the promise Tony had garnered from her, she assured herself that she could be sweet to both Jo and herself.  It would just take some time to learn how to master the fine balancing act. 

“Hey, Honey Bunny,” Lilah hailed the woman whose attention was riveted to the computer monitor that dwarfed the small cherry desk.  An auburn ponytail flipped as Joanna’s head tilted up, her eyes flicking to Lilah’s briefly before returning to the screen before her.   

“Hey.”

Putting aside the twinge of hurt churned by the unenthusiastic greeting, Lilah trudged forward into the cluttered office infusing a deliberate lightness to her voice.  “I brought lunch.  Chicken parmesan sandwiches and tiramisu from Carrabba’s.”

“Thank you.”  The ‘polite’ smile was forced and fatigue was evident in her friend’s face.  The pallor of her skin, the deep creases around her mouth and the inky smudges behind the lenses of her glasses.  “How are you?”

She pulled the carryout containers from the bag and put them on the corner of the desk.  “I think I’ve finally got the jet-lag out of my system.  I feel human today, anyway.  How are you?  Chloe said the Wilson flowers are the project of the day.”

“Yes.  I’m going to have to make the bouquets myself as soon as I can find a supplier for the damn flowers the bride specifically requested two months ago.  I’m so irritated.”

This was good.  She was talking, at least. 

“Want some help?”

Eyes slid to gaze over the monitor and Joanna’s mouth imperceptibly tightened.  “I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“It’s not an imposition.  I don’t mind a bit.”

“Okay.”  Joanna gave a single nod and pushed her keyboard back, relocating the sandwich-filled Styrofoam box from the corner of the desk to the center.  “Thanks for lunch.”

“You’re welcome.  Now that you’ve told me how the business is, tell me how you are.”

“I’m fine.”

Pushing her chair back, Jo rested both palms on the desk and pushed into a standing position.  Her face was a mask of concentrated pain as she hobbled toward the compact refrigerator that was only a few steps away.

“You don’t look fine.”

“I’m tired and I hurt, but it’s no different than any other day.”

Lilah sank into the room’s other chair, somewhat dejectedly abandoning her lunch.  The combination of fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis and chronic fatigue was sadly debilitating, but in the space of a month she’d spaced out on just how much so.  Usually one to smile and disregard her own personal drama, Joanna was hurting badly if she went so far as to comment on it.

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”  She plunked back down in her chair with a bottle of water in one hand and pushing another across the desk.  “So are you staying in Lexington or moving to wherever Tony Bongiovi lives?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”  Inside she sighed, hating that things were this way.  There wasn’t a soul she could come home to and share the joys or heartaches of her life-changing adventure.  She would merely have to pretend they didn’t exist in order to keep the harmony.

Ohhh no you don’t, Lilah Jane.  Your life is on you and this whole thing is your own doin’.   You hide things to keep from hurtin’ her feelings, but all you’re doin’ is hidin’ YOU.  Do you really think so little of your best friend?  Who was there for you after the whole Amos/Daisy May thing?  She loves you.  Let her love ALL of you.

“He saved my life, Jo.  That’s why I had to go meet him.”

“He what?”  Tired eyes were infused with a spark of indignation.  “Was he the one who kept you from bleeding to death on Jenny’s floor while we waited for the ambulance?”

“No,” she admitted quietly.  “That was you.”

“How about the days after that when all you wanted to do was lay in bed and bitch about bein’ alive?  Who dragged you out among the land of the livin’?”

“That was you, too.”

Lord, you know I am not a prayin’ woman.  Truth is that, most of the time, I’m mad at you for the unfairness of the world.  But if you have any inclination to rearrange the jumble of nonsense that’s about to come tumblin’ outta my mouth and put it into Jo’s language…  Well, it would be greatly appreciated. 

“So explain to me exactly how it is that Tony Bongiovi saved your life?”

Lilah took a deep breath, hoping that something inspired might light up her brain like a nuclear reactor before her lips started randomly flapping without direction.   

“There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ve got my back just like I have yours.  We look out for each other, but…”  She shrugged, fiddling with the gold hoop in her right ear.  “We’re familiar like an old married couple.  I only half believe what you say because I’m afraid you’re saying it out of obligation, and not because you truly believe it.”

Her flip flop hit the floor with a rubbery ‘thunk’ and she propelled her torso forward, her rhinestone speckled tee hovering above the desk’s surface as she tried to make Joanna look into her eyes and feel what she was saying. 

“I wanted to end the miserable state of my life and stop draggin’ everybody else down with my bad decisions.  Logic and reasoning weren’t gonna change my mind.  It took somethin’ out of the ordinary.”

“And what was that?” the woman on the other side of the desk demanded.  “What did you find to live for that was more important than your son?”

Lilah didn’t get angry.  She tried her very best not to let disappointment and frustration taint the significance of what happened to her– what she’d identified to Tony as her ‘come to Jesus’ moment.   No, she would give it the solemnity and dignity it deserved.

“I found me.”

Those three simple words were truer than any she’d ever spoken in her life.  Even with her lengthy explanation and conversation with Tony, Lilah had never really thought of it in those terms, but that’s exactly what she’d found.  On that that humid, sticky night at Churchill Downs, Lilah looked up to find a real person living inside the shell she had allowed herself to become.

“God… Jesus, Buddha, Karma, Yaweh – or whoever you want to attribute it to – had my face on a fifty-foot screen lookin’ for all the world happy to be alive when I thought all I wanted to do was die.  That cameraman and that video director didn’t know me from Eve, but they gave me a glimpse of the person I could still be.” 

She shrugged again, retreating into a less offensive position in her chair.  “You couldn’t give me that kinda proof, Jo, because  I wouldn’t have listened.  That doesn’t mean I don’t love you.  That doesn’t mean you’re not my best friend until the day I die.  It just means I was havin’ enough trouble justifyin’ my… epiphany to myself.  It was so fragile that I was afraid it might be crushed if anybody else even breathed on it.”

The auburn ponytail swung when Jo’s head shook slowly back and forth.  “Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?”

“Because I didn’t want you to tell me I was bein’ an idiot.”

“Lilah, you have me painted as this horrible ogre when all I’m tryin’ to do is watch out for you.  Why do you think I was so dead-set on you going off alone?  You never consider that anything bad could happen to you.  One of these days it’s going to catch up with you.”

Did she dare push the boundaries?  So far everything had gone so well….  Would it be tempting the fates to go another step?

All of you, Lilah Jane.  All.

“Tony kind of said that, too, and then proceeded to start watchin’ out for me.  After this happened…” She flipped her hair back from the left side of her face and presented it, briefly explaining about the Bazaar over Joanna’s scolding and mother-hen anger. 

“Arrrgh!!”  Joanna clutched her fists in the air, glaring daggers.  “You don’t have the sense God gave a goose, Lilah Bennett!  For a smart woman you’re a complete idiot sometimes.  And you didn’t even tell me about this!  I swear, forget medical problems.  You’re going to be the death of me!”

“Good grief…  Overdramatize much?  Honestly, there was no point.  It was over, I was fine and, after yelling at me, Tony assigned himself as my personal guard dog.”

Joanna flipped open the sandwich container still shaking her head and frowning viciously across the desk.  “That alone gives him a leg up on Amos, in my opinion.  Shoot… Walter, too, for that matter.  You’ve never had a man who would take care of you.  No wonder you fell in love with him.”

Piercing eyes dared Lilah to deny it.

“I did,” she acknowledged softly, Tony’s mortification still emblazoned in both her short and long-term memories.  Stealing a self-indulgent moment for herself, she felt the soft spot in the center of her chest ache with the disappointment.  She’d had no right to expect anything, but damn if she hadn’t hoped.  “But he didn’t fall in love with me.  He just stood there and let me leave.”

Self-indulgent moment gone, Lilah was at least thankful she was back on a level playing field with her best friend.  He might have broken her heart, but he saved her life – and made it better. 

That fact was further proven when Joanna offered a scoffed but supportive, “Honey, that just means he’s another dumb man.”