72 - Unwavering Uncertainty

Being an ER nurse took a special brand of patience, Amy Dillon often thought.  There was an eclectic clientele in the emergency room of Central Baptist and you never knew who was going to walk in with what stuck where.  She’d seen Nerf darts stuck up little boys’ noses, fruits and vegetables stuck in every orifice imaginable, and one time there’d even been a gerbil. 

Needless to say, people in pain weren’t always the friendliest of folks and nor were the family members that wanted their loved ones looked after.  Yes, there was a good deal of tact and understanding required, and occasionally a behemoth of an orderly, to keep things nice and peaceful in the ER.  She met a wide variety of people in her line of work from all different walks of life, but never one quite like the man who was barreling toward the exam rooms at this very moment.

“Excuse me, sir.  You can’t go back there!” she called, her finger on the ‘Bubba Button’, as she liked to call it.  Bubba was the biggest and most intimidating male employee in the unit, and from the looks of the stressed-out man whose arms were covered with tattoos, she might be needing his help.

To her surprise, the man, spun right around, his flip flops sliding on the shiny tile floor as he made a beeline for her.

“I’m looking for Lilah Bennett,” he informed her tightly.  “She would have been brought in by ambulance about an hour ago.”

Amy’s head cocked incrementally to one side even as she put on her most polite and professional smile. 

How very interestin’.

She had gone to school with Lilah Bennett – or Lilah Hall, as Amy still thought of her – and they had graduated the same year, along with Lilah’s first husband, Walter. 

Lilah had always been the smart one in the class.  Not geeky-smart like the class valedictorian or salutatorian who studied night and day in an effort to come out on top.  No, Lilah was one of those people that was just…  Well, smart.  She didn’t have to study or spend hours on homework to be the first one finished with a test – and have the highest score. 

Amy, along with about everybody else, knew what had happened to Lilah last summer and felt so doggone sorry for her that she couldn’t stand it.  The poor girl just couldn’t pick a good man if her life depended on it.  This fella in front of her looked like another fine example of that.

“Are you family?”

“No.”

“Then I’m afraid you’ll have to wait out here.”

His mouth went flat and hard inside the dark goatee that covered the lower half of his face and he leaned forward on the desk.  Bubba was not out of the equation yet.

“Can you tell me if she’s okay?  Is she alone?”

No, she wasn’t alone.  Joanna Johnson Wilson was back there with her.  She had graduated from a neighboring high school the same year as Lilah and Amy.

“I can’t give out information on a patient,” she told the man whose accent placed his origin firmly above the Mason-Dixon line.  In reality, she knew exactly what was going on and, even if she were at liberty to say, she wouldn’t tell him anything.  Where had Lilah Jane found this guy?  “But she’s not alone.”

 “Who’s with her?  Joanna?  Andrew?  I wanna talk to whoever it is.”

So Mr. Tattoo knew who the key players in Lilah Jane’s life were.  It made Amy all the more curious, even as she decided Lilah might want to know this guy was here.  Especially if he was who Amy thought he might be.

“I can’t give you that information either, sir.”  When he looked ready to pitch a holy fit, she felt a little sorry for him and relented a bit.  “But I can go back and tell them you’re out here.  What’s your name?”

Belligerence faded to reluctant acceptance with a single huff.  “Tony.  Tell her it’s Tony.  Thank you.”

Tony.  Tony Soprano fit pretty appropriately, she thought.  She could see this guy in the mob, even though he wasn’t wearing a sports coat and polo shirt.

Offering him her sweetest Southern smile, she promised that she would be right back.

✧✧✧

The sick feeling that had taken up residence in the pit of his stomach as he stood on that crazy old lady's porch wasn't going away.

There had been no mistaking the flicker of pity behind the desk nurse’s smile when she unbent enough to announce his presence to whomever was in the back.  She knew exactly what was going on with Lilah and it wasn’t good.

That thought was reinforced about five minutes later when a petite woman with an obvious limp emerged from behind the double doors that hid the exam rooms.  The auburn hair clipped on the back of her head was starting to come down around her bespectacled eyes and her plastic smile didn’t do much disguise the tension and worry lines in her face.

“Tony,” she greeted him with firmly starched politeness and a nod as he rose from the unforgiving waiting room chair.  “I’m Joanna.”

“How is she?” he demanded, jamming impatient fingertips into the pockets of his jeans.  He felt no need to engage in pleasantries with Lilah’s best friend.   Maybe he could eventually learn to like her, but based on Lilah's melancholy at the end of every phone call the two had exchanged in his presence... he didn’t have much use for Joanna.

“She’s…  They’re running another test, but she’s going to be fine.”

Fine, huh?  That didn’t explain the watery eyes that she had to blink clear when she couldn't meet his gaze, choosing instead to look at the blue and white linoleum squares at his feet.  Fine must have a whole different meaning here than it did in the rest of the world and he had no patience to scope out their weird-ass dictionary.

“I want to see her.”

Joanna seemed to deliberate her answer as she lifted her chin to give his face a thorough once-over.  Almost as though she were committing them to memory, she closely inspected his eyes, the set of his jaw, and the undoubtedly harsh line of his mouth.  Each feature was analyzed and digested in turn as the squared outline of her shoulders went rounded, sagging a bit under some kind of invisible pressure.

"I'm only asking to be nice," he informed her quietly.  "I WILL see her one way or another."

A spark of something flickered in her eyes and her head dipped in resigned acquiescence.  “I would imagine Lilah’s going to want to see you, too.  She's in Room 6, but I’ll come back with you to find out the test results.  Afterward I'll come out here and give you some time alone.”

Her intentions made clear, she turned her back on him.  That sharp pivot on her heel had her headed back back in the direction from which she had come, leaving him to follow behind - or not.

'Not' wasn't an option for him.  This was a mission he needed to accomplish.  It gave him a sense of purpose, rather than sitting around with his thumb up his butt waiting for someone to feed him an inkling of information.  No matter what he found in Room 6, it was better than not knowing.

Sucking in a deep breath, he extended his stride so that he arrived at the secured entry at the same time as Joanna.  Tony reached for the handle, nodding his appreciation to the desk nurse who served as the gatekeeper and granted them both access and a sympathetic smile.

As they passed through the double-doors that hid a honey comb of exam rooms, an unexpected chill rattled his spine. There was something ghoulish about a hospital, he had always thought.  Pain and agony hung in the air like a curtain of desolation as people lay suffering and dying in beds that were merely feet apart.

Nobody’s dying, he censured himself as they walked by the five examination rooms leading to Room 6. Even if it sounds like they are.

An old man gave a bone-rattling cough in the first room, while a child sobbed for her mommy in the next.  Number three had a big burly guy cussing at the top of his lungs as he held a bloody compress to his head.  Four ensconced an eerily-still woman who had to be in her nineties and, lastly, number five was blessedly empty.

It was a welcome relief to step inside the third room on the right.  The door that remained standing wide didn't offer any buffer, but the sounds of the damaged and maimed dulled by half, muffled by the thin walls.

His eyes swept over the room, anxious to see her, but Lilah was nowhere to be found.  The big, empty spot in the center of the floor indicated that the bed assigned to this room was missing as well, telling him that she wasn't back from whatever mysterious test was taking place.

Joanna settled into one of the two straight-back chairs with a grimace, silently offering him the other one, but Tony chose to stand.  Backing into the farthest corner of the room, he leaned his hip into the cabinet housing the small sink and folded his arms restlessly over his chest.

“What happened to her?”  Being here hadn't done anything to assuage his anxiety so far.  He still didn't know anything.  The landlady had been more forthcoming than Joanna or that nurse.

“Well… They haven’t said for sure,”  Lilah's friend hedged, crossing her legs.

“But you have a pretty damn good idea.”

There was a slow bob of her head as she confirmed his suspicion.  “But it’s not my place to tell you.”

His mouth was open to inform her in no uncertain terms that he didn’t give a flying fuck whether she thought it was her place or not when an orderly appeared in the doorway.  The slight young man was steering a Lilah-laden gurney, backing it head first the room as he chattered to his passenger.

Tony's breath became painfully lodged in his throat.  He had only caught a glimpse of her face as the bed was maneuvered into place, but it was enough to tear him up inside and render him immobile.

She was pale, her smattering of freckles standing out like ink splotches against her fair complexion.  The blue and white hospital gown did nothing to help create the illusion of a healthy glow.  Red-rimmed eyes were closed and her silky chocolate waves were splashed all over the institutional white pillowcase.

That infamous smile he loved so much was nowhere to be found.

“Hey, honey,” Joanna sidled up to the bed, curling her fingers around Lilah’s delicately veined hand while carefully avoiding the IV needle implanted there.  The liquid coming through the line was clear and he assumed it was some kind of saline drip or something.

“Hey,"she returned hoarsely.

The orderly made his mandatory rotation around the gurney, securing the wheel brakes before offering an encouraging smile and a light pat to Lilah’s shin.  “There you go, Ms. Bennett.  I hope you’re feelin’ better real soon.”

“Thank you.”

“How was the test?” Jo prodded quietly as soon as the boy had gone.  “Is it…?”

Lilah’s hair scraped against the pillow with a nod.  Her voice was hollow and devoid of emotion when she elaborated, “They didn’t actually say, of course, but you could tell.  I could tell.”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”

While Joanna wrapped her in a tight hug, Tony marveled at the weirdness of it all.  Here he was, hanging in limbo as to Lilah’s condition, yet her soft Southern drawl washed over him like a warm summer day and…  he felt …  Right was the only word he could come up with.  He felt right for the first time in weeks.

I had no idea how much I missed you, Bluegrass.

It was enough to unfreeze him from the statue-like trance he'd fallen into when she was wheeled into the room.  He took one step and then another, gradually moving through her blind spot at the back corner of the bed.

“Lilah,” Joanna murmured, hearing his footsteps and breaking the hug.  She brushed the hair from her friend's forehead with a sad smile.  “Somebody’s here to see you.”

“Dammit, Jo, I told you not to call Andrew!" was the immediate quarrel she got.  "I don’t want him worryin' about this.”

The fact that she didn’t want her son made aware of her hospital visit didn't surprise him.  That was the Bluegrass he knew – stubborn and determined not to be a bother. God forbid anybody care enough about her to worry, because wouldn't stand for it.

This time, though, she was out of luck.  Tony cared enough... and he would worry all he damn well pleased.   

Gliding soundlessly up to the bed rail, he reached forward, curling his fingers around the delicate, ice-cold hand resting at her waist.

“It’s not Andrew, baby.  It’s me.”