48 - Lonely Nights Aren't Always Bad

Open laptop on the desk in front of her, Lilah stared out the window, taking in the darkened landscape the Dusseldorf hotel room she had booked for the night.  It was dotted with lights, but nothing was familiar to her, except the odd emptiness she’d been feeling ever since she left Bucharest – and Tony – six hours ago.

Lunch had come and gone reasonably well today, in her opinion.  If Jon didn’t like her now, he was at least able to coerce his dislike into a vague replica of acceptance.  As long as Tony was happy, Lilah was happy, and when she came back from the ladies’ room, he’d seemed more relaxed around his brother than before she left.

After leaving with Dorothea’s cell phone number and a promise to keep in touch, she and Tony had gone back to their room, where he asked about her travel plans to Germany.  He hadn’t been thrilled when she told him her flight boarded at five o’clock.  Then again, she wasn’t all that thrilled about it either. 

The original plan had been to meet an online friend, Andrea, tomorrow morning and spend the day toddling around Dusseldorf together.  Unfortunately, Andrea texted her this evening with unexpected family obligations, leaving Lilah on her own.

Being alone wasn’t a problem.  That never bothered her, but feeling as though she was wasting her limited time with Tony was bothersome, and it gave her unlimited time to dwell on the one thing she hadn't confided to him yet.

She was still wrestling with her conscience on that one.  It sounded a little incredible, even to her, and appeared to seriously negate some of what she'd already said.  She meant everything she had told him - with all her heart.  That's why this one last, niggling little thing was so troublesome.  As much as it fit, it didn't fit.

Sighing softly, she nibbled disinterestedly at the room service cheese pizza and went back to her email, pushing the worry aside and making herself grateful for time to catch up with her "people".  She had already talked to both Andrew and Joanna tonight, shortly after she arrived at the hotel.  Andrew had lined up another gig and Joanna was…well, Joanna. 

There would soon come a time when they were going to have to stop dancing around the elephant that dangled, unacknowledged, on the telephone line between them.   They were going to have to talk about Tony and the changes that were on the horizon for Lilah’s life.  Changes that would be taking place even if she and Tony said goodbye in Lisbon and never looked back. 

Tonight hadn’t been the right time, though, and Lilah didn’t want to sit around calculating when might be the right time.  Soon was good enough for the present and, right now, she needed to catch up with Angel.

TO: Aussie_Angel

FROM: MissLilahJane

July 12, 2011

Hi hi!  How’ve you been stranger?  I got your email demanding my presence in your inbox, so here I am.  *ta-da!*

I’m in Germany now, sitting in a hotel room eating cold room service pizza.  It’s quiet.  Very quiet.  Perfectly quiet enough to tell you about the latest in my adventures.  As always, this kind of stuff warrants the Angel Pinkie Swear of Silence.  Mmk?  You can’t tell anyone this stuff.  Morgan is the only other one that knows, and I’ll probably eventually tell Jo.  Maybe.  You know how that goes. 

So….

Glancing back over the events of the last couple of days – edited for discretion, of course – Lilah shook her head.  It was all so unreal.  And so freaking long!  By the time she highlighted the whole Jon scenario, Dorothea, and her continued good experience with Tony, her email was something closer to War and Peace than a friendly news-gram.   She hoped Angel wouldn’t fall asleep in the middle of it. 

Anyway, that’s what’s going on with me.  What’s the latest wonder in the land down under?  Hm?  Sorry this is so long.  *cringe*  I didn’t realize I had so much to tell you.  Email when you can.  If not, no worries.  I’ll be around and check back in when I get a chance.  Back-to-back shows this week so I might be on the run a bit, yanno?

*hugs* 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

LJ

Clicking the mouse to send the document across the digital airwaves, she thought she should probably give Morgan an update.  It wasn’t fair to leave a die-hard Jon girl so torn between lust and hate for her heart throb.

Lilah had just opened a new message window when her cell phone started singing and shimmying against the surface of the desk.  Her smile lit up as the little screen bearing Tony’s name.

“Hello?”

“Did you have any plans to call and let me know you were safe?”

He sounded…  ticked.  Very ticked.  The smile that had been so vibrant seconds ago, now dimmed with confusion and… guilt?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you expected me to.”

There was a sharp exhalation on the other end of the line and she could almost see the smoke spewing from between pursed lips.  She’d discovered in the past few days that he smoked more when he was wound up, in a vain effort to relax himself.   She also noticed he didn’t smoke as much when they were alone together.

“Are you kidding me?  Reach up and feel the slash marks on your neck, Lilah.  Hell yes, I expected you to.”

They weren’t exactly slash marks now.  More like scratches that had scabbed over.  In fact, they weren’t all that noticeable, she didn’t think. 

“I said I was sorry,” she reminded him mildly, uncertain as to how she should interpret his behavior.  Was he going to be someone else who didn’t want her going and doing without him?  Even in a short-term ‘relationship’ like theirs?  If that was the case, then she had sorely misjudged him and she should have guarded her heart more diligently.  This short-term thing would be plenty long enough to suit all parties involved.

“I didn’t realize you were goin’ to be…”  Be what?  Possessive?  Controlling?  Dictatorial?  Clingy?  Those were words that were all either too strong or completely inappropriate.  “My keeper.”

“I’m not your keeper.”  His voice still bore a heavy thread of frustration, but it had softened considerably.  “Go do what you want, when you want.  I’m not trying to stop you, but use a little common courtesy and let somebody know you’re safe.”

How did he know she hadn’t let somebody know she was safe?  After all, she’d talked to both Andrew and Jo.  And she’d emailed Angel.  The hint of a smile tickled the corner of her mouth, as the realization of what he was actually saying dawned on her.  

“You mean let you know I’m safe,” she corrected gently, leaning her forearms on the desk as the bubble screen saver took over the laptop display.

“Since I’m one of the few people you know on this continent, yeah.  And while we’re at it, gimme the rest of your travel itinerary so there aren’t any more unexpected surprises like today.”

Her stomach knotted in a way that was not altogether unpleasant.  His protectiveness invoked a surge of warmth within the knots, but the warmth was interlaced with icy fingers of trepidation. 

“Are you tryin’ to keep me on a chain?” 

Please tell me no.  I’ve had enough of that in my life.

“Chain?  No.”  Another sharply exhaled breath masked her own sigh of relief.  “But I’m not gonna lie.  I was looking forward to tonight, and was a little bit pissed to find out at the last minute that there is no tonight for us.”

With the perfect clarity that always accompanied hindsight, Lilah saw that she should have given him a little more warning before skittering off to the airport.  That was just respectful.

“You’re right.  I’m sorry.”  She briskly rubbed the touch pad on her computer, bringing it back to life.  “If you give me your email, I’ll send you the itinerary now.”

After rattling off the address so that she could send the information along, Tony contributed his own remorse to the conversation.  “I’m sorry if I was an ass.  It hasn’t been a great night.”

All worries about his potential to be domineering and overbearing disappeared like the morning mist in heat of the sun.  Dread took their place.  Everything had been fine this afternoon.  “What happened?  You’re not into it with Jon again are you?”

“Nah, nothing like that.  I just went out with some of the guys for Richie's birthday.”

Today was Richie's birthday.  How had that completely slipped her mind?

Bad Richie girl. 

Bad or not, it was a relief.  Lilah didn’t think she could go another round with Jon.  She had nothing else to fight him with.  “Oh.  And…?”

“And I didn’t enjoy it.  It was a long, monotonous, same-shit-different-city evening with Rew trying to goad me into doing stuff I didn’t want to do.  I had two drinks, got pissed and came back to the room to catch up on email and wait for you to call, which you didn’t.”

“I’m not goin’ to apologize again for not callin’, but I am sorry you didn’t have a good time with your friends.”

“Yeah, well, thanks.  It’s been a long tour.  I’m due for a break from them.”

“Did you at least get somethin’ accomplished with your spaghetti – excuse me, pasta – sauce dynasty?”

“I got a few details ironed out.  There are a million more, but at least I’m chipping away at them.  I got your email,” he abruptly changed the subject.  “Miss Lilah Jane?  Is your name Lilah Jane?”

“It is.  My family has always called me Lilah Jane.  It’s a Southern thang,” she drolly enlightened him about redneck culture.

“It’s cute,” was his distracted reply.  He’d clearly moved onto something else.  “I see you’re staying thre nights in Dusseldorf and flying to Zurich the morning after the show.”

“I haven’t looked lately, but, yeah, that sounds about right.”

“We’re doing a runner from Germany to Switzerland, so I won’t be staying in a hotel that night.  I’ll be sleeping on the bus.”

“That’s okay.  I can get this room for another night, or get the room in your hotel for another night.  It's no big deal.”

“Hm.” 

She wasn’t sure what the correct interpretation of that little grunt was.  “Jersey?”

“Would you wanna come with me?  I can’t promise deluxe accommodations.  We might even have to share one of those skinny-ass bunks, and there’ll definitely be a bunch of crew members on board.”

He was inviting her on a tour bus?  To share a bunk with him?  Talk about not knowing the correct interpretation of something…

“Do you want me to?”

A soft snort was his first response.  “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

Don’t push your luck, Lilah Jane.  If you question it to death, he might change his mind.

But if she didn’t question him, the questions would just swim around in her head the entire night and all day tomorrow.  And tomorrow night, for that matter.  And maybe for-freaking-ever, because things like that bugged her.

So she asked, “Why?”

“Whaddaya mean why?”  Lilah could almost see his forehead wrinkling with confusion. 

“Why do you want me to come along?”

There was a discreet pause before he bluntly announced, “I told you I like having you in my bed.  We don’t have a whole lotta more nights to do that, and I don’t want to waste them.”

“Jersey?”

“What?”  Even though he was still sounding a bit grumpy, she smiled. 

“Just for the record, is that anything like – maybe – you miss me?”

The soft snick of a lighter came over the line and he inhaled to start the cigarette burning.  Loudly blowing out that first puff of smoke, he then answered, “You realize we haven’t known really known each other long enough for that to make sense?”

“I haven’t known a whole lot of things to make sense so far when it comes to me and you.”

His unexpected chuckle sent a flock of turkey wings flapping down her spine.  Making him laugh gave her the biggest thrill.  Not as much as… other things she coaxed out of him, but it was pretty darn good.

“If that ain’t the damn truth,” he muttered wryly.  “You defy all logic, Bluegrass.”

That may be true, but he only had two drinks tonight.  Granted, he sounded as though he was smoking like a freight train, but it still felt like progress.  Lilah was slowly accomplishing what she came here to do.

“That didn’t answer my question.”

Again with the puffing, but this time it was accompanied by a brief staccato tapping.  “Let’s just say my bed looks kinda empty without you in it.  Now are you gonna come with me on the bus, or not?”

Her lips curved into a soft smile as she saw ‘Anthony M. Bongiovi’ pop up in her inbox, right above Angel’s reply.  She got distracted with double-clicking the email that very nearly made her want to giggle, and didn’t answer right away.  The message loaded quickly, and it didn’t take long to see why.  It was only four words.

Yes I miss you.

After reading that, there was really only one answer that would do.  Lilah would be crazy to consider saying anything other than, “I’d love to come with you.”