57 - The Wheels on the Bus

“I’ll be fine right here.  I can always email and browse my way through the new concert pictures on Facebook.  Go hang out with your friends.”

The bus, whose passengers did include Mike Rew, had just begun trolling its way toward Switzerland, and Lilah was still uncomfortable with Tony’s blunt opinions that had been offered over an hour earlier.  If he would give her a little space, she could digest and stuff it away, leaving herself free to focus on the more positive aspects of here and now.

Go join your fun-lovin’ crew.  Go play poker with the two or three in the back.  If you don’t wanna, then go shoot the breeze with the ones sprawled out on the couches in the front.  Please.

The hard-working group was worn out, yet hyped-up at the same time.  Three in the morning to them was like five o’clock to a banker, meaning it was time to relax, have a drink and unwind from the work day.  It didn’t seem to matter that they were going to be up again in six hours starting all over again.  Their habits were deeply ingrained.

And Lilah didn’t feel up to shoe-horning herself into those habits.  And why should she?  It wasn’t like she was ‘marrying into the family’.  She was strictly an overnight visitor.

Yes, it was easier to let Tony do his thing without her and use those few minutes to regroup.

“You’re my friend, too,” he pointed out, arms crossed over his chest.  Those same crossed arms were within a cat’s hair of also touching her chest, so narrow was the passageway between the cubbyholes that passed as beds.  “And why do you need to look at concert pictures?  You see those guys almost every day now.”

She shrugged, acknowledging the truth of his friendship statement but mentally brushing it under the rug.  “The shots of Jon and Richie together can be priceless.”

“You want me to take your picture together with them?”

Part of her stood up and squealed like a professional fan girl, but it was just a tiny part.  That hadn’t been flying anywhere near her radar and, even if she did want that, she would never ask him do it.  It felt too much like taking advantage. 

“No.  I want you to go have a drink and shoot the breeze with your friends while I enjoy the efforts of the amateur Jovi photographers and email a couple of friends.  Seriously.”

“Get your lard ass outta the way, TBJ, I need another beer.” Mike interrupted with the subtlety of a drill sergeant, trying to make his way from the poker game to the kitchenette.  His sudden, loud presence scared the beepers out of Lilah and his wise-cracking comment grated on Lilah’s nerves.

Jersey boys don’t play polite, especially with each other.  It’s just the way they are.  Don’t pay attention to him. 

Although Tony immediately side-stepped, it didn’t keep him from uttering a bland, “Fuck you,” as Mike made his way through the ‘hallway’ of eight bunks.  As he slipped by, he gave her that dreadful I-know-something-you-don’t-know grin of his.

She really didn’t care much for him.

“I’m crawling into this wonderfully luxurious bed.” she told Tony softly, glad she’d already donned her penguin PJ pants and sleepshirt.  “Go.”

“Alright,” he acquiesced with only a tiny creasing of his forehead.  “I’ll be there before you fall asleep.”

With the curtain pulled closed, Lilah was ensconced in the bottom bunk closest to the “Poker Room”.  She fired her phone screen to life as a loud groan vibrated the walls.  Someone must have lost a hand. 

She shook her head ruefully, hoping that it wasn’t Tony as her finger flipped to the email icon.  As was her custom, she sought out her friends to vent her mixed emotions and confusion.  This time, though, she didn’t need the sweet supportiveness of Angel, she needed Morgan’s brand of tough love. 

That’s what had her bypassing Angel’s email in her inbox, choosing to read it after she dashed off a quick note to Morgan.

July 14, 2011

TO:  Morgan_Prince

FROM:  MissLilahJane

I need your help.  Tony said something a little while ago and it’s bothering me.  Please live up to that disclaimer you’re always spouting about being a bitch.  Be honest…  Am I one of those ‘sweet’ people?  The kind that makes me feel like a dreadful ogre because I know can NEVER be like that, even if I tried??  I’m physically incapable!!

Tony’s insisting that I’m ‘sweet’ and says he’s never seen me put myself first.  I would totally blow it off to the fact that he barely knows me, but he called me a dumbass yesterday, which means he sees at least some of the real Lilah.  If I didn’t put myself first, how could I possibly be in Europe? 

I know you’ve called me ‘nice’ before, but that’s different than being a simpering dolt whose entire life is about spewing compassionate words and making the world a better place with kindness. 

Tell me the truth.  I can take it.

Nodding with satisfaction, she reverted back to Angel’s email.  The woman’s online perkiness always pulled a grin from her.   She often wondered if she was as perky in person.  If she was, there would be a pair of pom poms perpetually tied around her neck.

July 14, 2011

TO:  MissLilahJane

FROM:  aussie_angel

Hi hi Matey!  I was so glad to see you pop up in my inbox.  I've been wondering how things are going with you.  Can I just say it's still shocking to me that YOU have turned into a biker babe??  LOL! This trip to Europe has been quite the adventure for you!

So, do you want my take on Tony's irrational behavior?  No?  Too bad! :P 

Tony is a man.  And as such, he is also a horse's ass!  They just can't help it!  They react without thinking.  It’s a stupid man thing.

What this whole thing tells me though is that he is seriously falling hard for you, Lilah.  Eeeeeeeee!!!!!  The fact that he even FELT jealous of you talking to that crew guy tells me how much he is into you. !!!!!!!!!!!!  *butterflies*  Go easy on him, Lilee.  He's a love sick puppy.  :D  !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to hear from you soon!  I MISS YOU!

Be safe.  Wear your helmet!  ;)

<3

~A~

PS)  I'm trying not to be a jealous bitch when I hear that you were hanging out ON STAGE!  Was the white mic up there?  Pictures????

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lilah dismissed the “seriously falling hard for you” as though it had never been typed.  Her passport didn’t entitle her to cross into La La Land, no matter how well-intentioned her friend was being.

Moving to the post script, Lilah wrinkled her nose with regret.  She didn’t have any pictures.  It hadn’t even crossed her mind.  Odd how it had all become second nature in such a short time.  Lilah was no longer blinded by the stars in her eyes when surrounded by the Bon Jovi “stuff”, but she would have to at least document her trip a little more thoroughly.  She owed it to her friends.

She was pleased to see that Morgan’s reply had already come through, giving her a reprieve from making that apology right this second.

July 14, 2011

TO:  MissLilahJane

FROM:  Morgan_Prince

Interesting question.  I would say you’re nice AND sweet.   As a general rule I don’t run with people who are mean and act like they’ve been weaned on a pickle. 

However – and remember, you asked for 'the truth' – IMO, your lack of putting yourself first has nothing to do with being nice or sweet.  People take advantage of you because you tolerate abuse well.  You don't 'do' confrontation so you 'do' passive instead.  Standing up for yourself is a trait you're lacking.  (I got your dose I think.)  And when you DO get a little irked it’s based on layers upon layers of crap being heaped upon you.

I don't see that as nice or sweet, honey.  Tony may see it that way because maybe he's not a controlling, manipulative dick.  (His brother prolly got his share *chills*).   He says you don't put yourself first???  I think that's because it's easier for you to love the life everybody else makes you live rather than CREATE a life of your own choosing.

Sorry, baby....but you asked.

Lilah let the phone drop to her chest and stared at the ceiling of the small bunk, tears momentarily blurring little fold-away television screen parked there. 

The response she’d been looking for was that she wasn’t any sweeter than anybody else.  That she was just a regular person with good traits and bad.  Not that she was a puppet without enough bravery, gumption, intelligence…  whatever… to make her own life.

Nice to know what people really think of you.

Feeling her spirit slowly slink into the shell she kept on hand for just such an ego-blow, Lilah tucked the phone in her pocket and rolled toward the wall of the bus.  She really needed to learn to be more careful what she asked for.  After this many years of living in the same head and body, she should know she wasn’t as tough as she liked to believe. 

You’ve got no right to have your feelin’s hurt.  Just like Morgan said, YOU asked.

And she’d wanted to know.  She’d wanted the honesty, but it was going to take a couple deep breaths to ease the sting.  From experience she knew it would fade quickly, but the inadequacy Morgan’s email stirred would never disappear.  It would simply be added to the already brimming pot Lilah kept covered with a big tarp so that it didn’t mock her every minute of every day.

How are you goin’ to share such close quarters with a man who unknowingly lit the wick of this little meltdown, Lilah Jane?  You’d better find a way to put a Band-Aid on your psychological issues before he crawls in here.

✧✧✧

“I’m out,” Tony avowed, standing and taking what was left of his money.  He was about ten bucks down, but the distraction of the poker game was well worth it.  It had given him a chance to stifle his frustration with Lilah so that he didn’t keep beating her over the head with her screwed up self-perception until they ended up in a verbal brawl. 

Mike snorted and grinned up at him, eyes glinting evilly through the black horn-rimmed glasses.  “Wuss.  You afraid I’ll take the rest of your cash?”

That was another subject he’d gotten distracted from in his irascibility.  Why had she asked specifically about Rew’s presence on the bus?   He was going to have to ask about that.

“I have a bunk calling my name.  I got no need to line your pockets any more than they already are.”

“Bunk.  That your pet name for the half a’ pork chop you’re still chewin’ on?”

“Watch it…” Tony quietly warned his friend, the other two men at the table being sole reason he stopped at that.  Bus drama was taboo, and Lilah was only feet away.  Inside voices were a must.

Rew chortled as he shuffled the deck, unconcerned about the other crew members.  “I can barely keep myself from laughing every time I see her, remembering that first night in Dublin.  You didn’t want anything to do with her and she was scared of her own shadow.  Funny how things change, ain’t it?  And how any trace of a pork chop just vanishes?”

“There aren’t – and never were – any fuckin’ pork chops,” he virtually growled.  “Grow up already.”

Lifting a careless shoulder as he dealt the next hand, Mike flicked his eyes up.  “Me grow up?  Take a look in the mirror, man.  It takes the ignorance of youth to believe that you’re walkin’ away from this chick at the end of the month.”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, and I don’t feel the need to educate you.”

Fanning the cards in his hand, Mike’s strawberry-blond head slowly shook from side to side.  “Whatever you say, boss.  That top bunk over hers is empty, so you don’t have to double up.”

An empty bunk was good.  Not that he was going to sleep in it.  As peeved as he’d been with her earlier, he still wanted her beside him.  And with that empty bunk, maybe even on top of him…?

“Nah, I’m good.  Thanks anyway.”

Mike and both of the other guys were laughing when he turned his back on them in favor of the woman waiting in the bottom bunk. 

56 - Glass Houses

“Hey, there’s Jon’s brother.”

“No way!”  The blonde woman nudged Lilah out of the way in the Diamond Circle and put a hand on her brunette friend’s shoulder, standing on tiptoe in an effort to see the back of the stage.  The pre-concert crowd was getting dense in Dusseldorf’s Esprit Arena at only thirty minutes until show time, and it was hard for the vertically challenged woman to get a good look.  “The really tall, cute one?”

When Tony had asked if she wanted watch the show from back stage tonight, Lilah had declined, preferring to hang on the rail this time around.  She had a gut feeling this was going to be a good set list and she loved experiencing Jon and Richie together in a live setting, particularly in one of those ‘good’ shows.  Now that Jon didn’t snarl at her every time she got near, she thought she might be able to appreciate his showmanship again.

So, with her decision made and her luggage on the bus, Tony had told her to stay put after the final encore.  One of the security guys would bring her back in the midst of the post-production frenzy and she would hang out until everything was stowed and the crew was ready to roll.

She was a little apprehensive about this bus thing, just because of the social aspect of it.  Walking into a ‘family’s’ home and being an outsider didn’t appeal to her, particularly if Mike Rew was going to be there.   He still made her uncomfortable with his knowing grin.  On the flip side of that, heading back to the Intercontinental all alone held even less appeal.  Being crammed into a sardine can with Tony was the better option.

The blonde’s brunette friend shook her head with what Lilah interpreted as a grimace of distaste.  “No, the other one.  The ugly duckling.  I don’t know what he inherited from Mom and Dad, but it sure wasn’t the same helping of sexy his brothers got.”

Lilah’s hackles raised.  It took quite a bit to make Lilah angry.  She was one of those live and let-live kind of people and, as a general rule, took a lot of guff before getting truly ticked off.  That is, unless you were messing with someone she cared about.  In that case, she flew mad faster than anybody.

How many times had something like that been said over the years, she wondered?  How many people considered Tony the ugly duckling of the genetically enhanced Bongiovi clan?  Yes, Jon and Matt were both handsome men, but she considered them pretty as opposed to sexy.  Tony was the one whose quiet assurance and dark good looks personified sexy – in her opinion.

The more she listened to the women pick apart his “ratty t-shirt”, “saggy shorts”, “ugly work boots” and “trashy looking tattoos”, the madder she got.  But Lilah wasn’t  a physical, or even a direct, confrontation kind of girl.  She preferred to use more indirect methods to assuage her anger – and hopefully she could give Tony an ego-boost in the process.

A determined gleam in her eye, she cupped her hands around her mouth and bounced up on her toes, loudly calling, “Jersey!”

Tony’s head snapped up from the camera he was adjusting on David’s keyboard setup and he lifted his chin to indicate he’d heard her.  A couple more twists of the stabilizing mount and he strolled across the stage, wearing a faint look of concern. 

Lilah wormed her way in front of the other two women, with an overly sweet, “Excuse me, ladies,” as he lithely dropped to the ground and ambled to the barrier separating the crowd from the stage.  She pressed herself against it at the same time he got close enough to speak without having to yell.

Wiping a hand across his slightly sweaty brow, he asked, “What’s up?”

“C’mere,” she beckoned with a curled index finger, leaning over the rail, hoping those two mean bitches would see her mouth angling close to his ear.  “I need to say something to you.”

“Okay.”

“In case you didn’t know,” she began in a low voice, her right hand coming to rest lightly atop the shoulder left mostly bare by his black tank.  “I think you’re sexier than both of your brothers combined.”

His chuckle went from muffled to distinct when he turned his lips into her ear.  “That’s convenient since it’s my bed you’ll be in tonight.”

“Bunk, but that’s beside the point,” she corrected with a matching chuckle before pulling back to look him directly in the eyes.  “I really do mean that.”

His smile faded slowly and the world around her – including the bitchy women – faded to background noise as he studied her with a heated intensity.  “I know.”

It was all Lilah could do to push a whisper out of her constricted lungs.  “Good.” 

Her lips longed to kiss the daylights out of him right now, but she was reluctant.  Lilah wasn’t interested in flaunting him or their… friendship in front of these women, some of which she already knew weren’t very nice.  She wouldn’t have made that brazen move in a million years, but Tony took the choice away from her.

He dipped his head, curling his fingers around the back of her head as he claimed her mouth for one quick, firm, possessive kiss – a kiss that was every bit as possessive as the claim he’d staked yesterday on the stage behind him.  It made her insides a little quivery that he didn’t care who knew she was his… and in her fairytale head, it didn’t feel temporary.

Don’t Lilah Jane.  You’ll only end up with your feelin’s hurt.

“I gotta go,” he said quietly against her mouth, while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Of course he did.  He had a show to run. 

“Mmk,” she submitted readily, stepping away from the rail.  “Have a good show.”

He winked as he turned and followed the curve of the stage that would lead to his video lair.  Lilah watched him go, feeling atypically arrogant and properly vindicated.  With a cool look, she turned to the two women that had prompted the exchange. 

“He got his fair share of sexy,” she informed them archly.  “And he knows how to use it.”

✧✧✧

“I’m pretty sure you hate that kinda thing…”  Tony turned his head when he faintly heard Lilah’s voice in the distance.  Squinting, he saw that she was talking to Jon, who had just reappeared from where he'd uncharacteristically ducked into his quick change room before he left the stadium.  “But your fans count what happened tonight as a once-in-a-lifetime experience.  I know I do, and I wanted to thank you for it.”

Undoubtedly, she was talking about the “Mercy” fiasco on-stage, that the entire under stage had been laughing their asses off about.  Jon had to sing it three times at different intervals in the show before he got it right.  That was an anomaly for his anal-retentive brother, who didn’t do anything off-the-cuff or perform anything without lyrics – for this very reason.  Tony bet he’d like to forget the whole thing happened.

“Hundreds of perfect words and notes, and my fuck-up is what everyone’s taking away from this show.  Thanks, Lilah.  That’s what I needed to hear,” Jon snorted with a bark of self-deprecating laughter, swiping his sweaty head with a towel and then looping it around his neck.

He’s taking it better than I thought.

“It’s not the fuck-up they’ll remember, Jon, it’s the fun way you handled it.  They like knowing you’re real and love that added glimpse of personality you gave them.”

“Jon, let’s go.”  Matt swooped in to take Jon’s elbow and guide him in the direction of his waiting car, relieving him of the obligation to say anything further.  He simply gave her a single nod and allowed himself to be shepherded out of the arena.

Lilah came closer to Tony’s workstation, standing off to the side and out of the way.

“Told ya that you were sweet,” he commented over his shoulder as he stowed one of the laptops in its protective case.  “Why else would you try and pull the thorn from the lion’s paw?  The same lion who tried to cut you to ribbons with that paw up until a couple days ago.”

“We almost knocked each other down when he came out of his room.  I had to say somethin’ to him.”

He slid her a look of knowing skepticism.  “Most people would’ve gone with ‘excuse me’, or ‘get outta the way asshole’.”

She shrugged.  “I told you I lacked proper social skills, but thanks.  I’ll remember that asshole comment for next time.”

Grabbing the last laptop, he laughed while it slid into its neoprene covering  and then into the huge equipment case. 

She was unpredictably quirky.  It caught him off-guard from time to time and amused the hell out of him.  One second she was a shrinking-violet-wallflower, the next she was being all very Miss Southern Manners, and in the second after that she let her innate sarcasm run free.  Ms. Lilah Jane Bennett’s mind was an interesting place.

And her body ain’t so bad either.

He was kinda sad that he wouldn’t be partaking of that particular interesting place tonight.  The narrow bunk he was going to wedge his rotundness into with her didn’t allow for much maneuvering, and if it did, practically every noise could be heard by the adjoining bunk occupants. 

Wonder how quiet she could be?  Hell, I wonder how quiet I can be? 

“Is there anythin’ I can do to help?”

Dragging his mind from the horny, Lilah-filled gutter, he took a last look around and shook his head.  “Nah.  The guys will take care of everything else.  Let’s head toward the buses.  I need a smoke.”

He stood and dislodged the cigarettes and lighter from his pocket.  Smoke lit, Tony looped his fingers into hers and guided her through the post-production madness toward the back gate. 

“So…”  She was being quieter than usual and he slid his eyes her direction as they wove through the crates and flocks of local and tour crew.  “Wanna tell me what that thing before the show was all about?”

“Not really.”

“How about you tell me anyway?”

A fleeting frown wrinkled her nose and forehead.  “Women can be such unkind bitches.  There were a couple comparin’ you to Jon and Matt and it made me mad.  Is Mike Rew going to be travelin’ with us?”

She had answered the question, but just barely.  In a classic Lilah maneuver, she’d redirected the topic to a direction that she was willing to take.  Did she really think he didn’t notice when she did that?

“I’m not stupid, Bluegrass.”

Her head swiveled up to him, eyes wide with surprise.  “Of course you’re not, but why do you feel the need to point that out?”

Arriving at the bus, he lightly spun her around so that her back was against the side.  “Number one, I notice every time you don’t want to talk about something and conveniently change the subject.  Number two, I know that I’m not the Bongiovi lust magnet.”  When her eyebrows knit together and an argument formed on her lips, he continued with, “And I’m okay with that.  I don’t like the attention.  That’s why I’ve cultivated this beer gut of mine.”

Tropical eyes bore the lightning that heralded a storm and, sure enough, she reached up and bounced the heels of her palms off of his chest.  “Stop that!”

“Stop what?” he asked, backing out of her reach with a startled laugh and crushing the half-smoked cigarette under the ball of his foot. 

“Talking about yourself like that.  I realize I’m not much, but you are the ‘Bongiovi lust magnet’ for me, and I like your ‘beer gut’.  Why don’t you LIKE yourself?”

When she punctuated the question by launching another thump in his chest, he reached up and locked her wrists in his hands.

“I like myself fine, but I’m a realist.  Why don’t you like yourself, Ms. ‘Not Much’?”

“You’re more than you give yourself credit for, Jersey.  I don’t think you have any idea how attractive you are, not just physically but in your personality and the aura you carry.”

Lilah, in true Lilah fashion, had chosen the direction she wanted to take the conversation and this time it got under Tony’s skin. 

“Bluegrass, you ever heard that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones?  I’ve never seen somebody short-change themselves as much as you do.  Sometime I look at you and wonder how in the hell you got up enough nerve to fly across the ocean, much less find your way to me.”

Her mouth snapped shut and puckered into an injured frown.  The wheels spun behind eyes that had gone glassy as she stared him down, and Tony almost felt bad.  Almost.  If it hadn’t been true, he would’ve felt bad, but the damn woman should be able to see herself with the same kind of insight that she was trying to use on him.

“I can do anything I have to do,” she informed him quietly with a proud tilt of her head.  “And I know it.  I want the people around me to be happy.  Sometimes that means I don’t put myself first, but don’t count me as some mealy-mouthed wallflower.”

Tony couldn’t contain his scoff of incredulity.  “Sometimes?  I can’t think of a single time since we met that you’ve put yourself first, other than when I MADE you.  Anybody that truly matters will be happy with your happiness.  And if they’re not, you don’t fucking need them in your life.”

He believed that.  Nobody should have to ‘buy’ the love of their closest friends and family.  It should be freely given, unconditional love, and he thought it was a damn shame that Lilah didn’t see that.

55 - It's Your Call

Juggling the take-out containers from the restaurant, Lilah struggled to get her room key in the card reader slot without spilling the drink she’d brought for Tony.  Her own bottle of water was tucked under her arm, threatening to slide out and go thumping to the floor.  With her luck and lack of grace, his burger and her club sandwich would hit the ground before she could get…

Aha!

The little light blinked green and she got the handle pushed down with her elbow and threw her hip into the door before it could slam shut again. 

Progress!

She was just about to wonder where Tony was and why he didn’t help her when she heard his voice. 

“Yeah, this is Tony.  Who’s this?”

Frowning, Lilah slowly inched her left leg to ease the door further open and dragged her right carefully along behind it.  It was her ultimate goal to enter the room without being sprawled in an ungraceful split with their supper raining down on her in a hailstorm of fries and Jack Daniels.

His head turned as she finally got into the room and unloaded her arms onto the desk top. 

“Uh, yeah, sure I know who you are Joanna.  Lilah’s friend.” 

Oh. My.  God.  I left my phone and he must have answered it.

It wasn’t like she could complain since she’d done the same thing earlier, but Lilah’s stomach sank when Tony’s eyes connected with hers, eyebrows lifted in question.  He knew who Jo was, but not much more.  Worse yet, what was Joanna saying to him?

“Gimme,” she mouthed, the fingers at the end of her outstretched palm flapping like crazy. 

“Lilah just came in.  Uh huh.  Nice talking to you, too.”

Snatching the phone away before he’d barely had a chance to offer it, Lilah spun away, giving him her back.  “Jo?  What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.  I wanted to talk to you.  Is that allowed?  Or are you too busy giving yourself to a strange man to be bothered with your real life?”

Her shoulders sagged at her friend’s patronizing tone, partly with the relief that there was no tragedy at home.  The other part was the disheartening realization it was going to be one of ‘those’ calls and she was going to have to take it with Tony standing only feet away.

“I’m never too busy to talk to you,” she assured her friend, which was true.  The timing just made it more of a challenge than usual to be perky and enthusiastic.  “How are things at home?”

To her relief, Joanna chatted amiably enough for the next fifteen minutes or so, while Lilah picked at her fries.  There was news about Joanna’s family and things going on around town.  She assured Lilah that her husband Steve had gone over and checked on her apartment a couple of times, and that there was apparently a stray cat hanging around, who enjoyed sunning itself on the hood of Lilah’s car.  According to Joanna, the pristine paint job now bore the artistic paw prints of a big orange tabby cat. 

Sighing, as Tony slipped into the bathroom, Lilah tried not to stress over the gorgeous vehicle sitting in her driveway.  It was less than six months old.  She should have put a car cover on it before she left.  That was a stupid oversight on her part, and her only defense was that she wasn’t used to owning expensive, brand new cars.

“Joanna, do you think Steve would mind getting a cover for my car?  I should’ve thought of it before I left, but I’ll pay him back.”

“I’ll have him take care of it tomorrow,” she promised and then, after a brief pause she unexpectedly switched gears.  “So…  have you fallen in love with him yet?  Tony?”

“Joanna!  What kind of question is that?”

“A legitimate one.  Knowing you, you were already halfway there before you stepped foot on the plane.  Is he worth the trouble?  Is he worth giving up two months of your life and abandoning your friends and family?”

How was she supposed to answer that?  Tell her best friend that the days spent with him were worth every penny spent, every minute spent planning, every argument, every guilt trip?  That was the God’s honest truth, but it stood a good chance of hurting her friend’s feelings.  She had no interest in doing that, so Lilah checked to make sure Tony was still in the bathroom and chose a more ambiguous response.  

“I’m enjoying the trip, and he’s a nice guy.”

“Stop being diplomatic Lilah Jane Bennett and tell me the truth.  If I had to guess, I’d say you DO think you’re in love with him.” 

When two people had been as close as she and Jo for  so long…  Covering up the truth wasn’t the easiest thing to do. 

“Jo, it’s ridiculous to think something like that after such a short time.” 

That’s completely true.  Doesn’t mean I’m not ridiculous, but it’s a true statement anyway.

“Whatever, Lilah.  I know you.  Just because he’s nice to doesn’t mean he’s gonna love you back.”

No.  He’s not.  That’s already been established.  But he’s gonna make Europe the most pleasantly memorable time of my life.

“It’s a here and now thing.  That isn’t even an option.”

“Well, at the risk of being a bitch, good.  A man who travels the world isn’t gonna be there when you need him.  You’d still be alone anyway.  Except for me, of course.  I’m always here for you.”

This call had gone from a pleasant chat to a little less than that.  When Tony came back into the room, she decided it was a good time to wrap things up. 

“Okay, Joanna, I need to go.  My sandwich is gettin’ cold.”

“Oh.  Alright.”  She sounded disappointed to sever the connection, Lilah thought, and that suspicion was confirmed when her natural tone of voice slipped into something cattier.  “Enjoy your international booty call.” 

“Stop,” Lilah pleaded softly, very much aware that Tony could hear everything she said.  Not five feet separated the spot where she stood by the window and his seat on the bed.  “It’s been a nice visit.  Don’t turn it into something ugly.”

“Reality is ugly sometimes, Lilah Jane.  You and I know that as well as anybody.”

“You’re right, we do.  That’s why I don’t understand makin’ that way if it doesn’t have to be.”

Joanna’s hesitation gave Lilah false hope that her friend was going to agree, but that hope was dashed with the distant, “I’ll let you go then.  Call me sometime if you can find the time.”

Sighing, Lilah gave up.  “I’ll talk to you soon.  Love you, Jo.”

“Mhm.”

When the line went dead, she tucked the phone into her jeans pocket and crossed her arms, blindly staring out the window.

She loved Joanna with all her heart.  They were like sisters, but Jo just couldn’t understand her need to be here.  Her need for…  this moment in time.  And that lack of understanding, along with a healthy dose of frustration, was what fed the catty woman living inside her usually amiable friend.

It may have helped if Lilah had told her about the ‘life saving’ incident at Churchill Downs, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.  The whole thing sounded dreamy-eyed and far-fetched and a bunch of other fairy tale-esque words that would have Jo rolling her eyes. 

Lilah Jane, she loves you.  She might understand.

She might.  But it wasn’t likely. 

Well, if you’re determined to believe the worst of her, at least put it aside for now and enjoy your moment.  Don’t waste it broodin’ that people don’t understand you. 

“So that was Joanna.”

Tony’s casual remark pierced the fog in Lilah’s head was in and she turned to him with an absent smile.  “Yes.  That’s Joanna.”

“She was very…”  That cocked eyebrow she found so fascinating lifted with amusement.  “Polite.”

If she hadn’t already fancied herself in love with Anthony Bongiovi, that single remark would have cinched the deal.  In her mind, the tiny handful of words was a blatant proof that he got Lilah.  He may not want to, but he did. 

“Yes,” she agreed, letting genuine warmth seep into her smile.  “She’s very mannerly, not to mention likable, pleasant and sweet.  People love her.  I suppose that’s one of the benefits to actually having a personality.”

Don’t go there, Lilah Jane.  Put away the streamers and hats, because nobody’s comin’ to your pity party.  You do just fine for a retarded hyena.

“You say that like those traits are foreign to you.”

“Me?” She played his observation off with a light chuckle.  “I’m better with things than people, but I assume that still means I have a personality.  It’s just different than some folks.”

He shook his head with a scowl.  “Has anybody ever told you that you’re a dumbass?”

That sunshine filled balloon of love that had been flying high above her head deflated in an instant, as though an entire team of happiness snipers had appeared from nowhere with guns blazing to take it down.  Her love balloon wasn’t the only victim either.  The merciless bastards had executed the flock of cheery bluebirds that had been fluttering around her head and heart.  They hit the ground one at a time in a cacophony of sickening thuds. 

I think that pretty effectively proved that you are a dumbass.  Seein’ as he wasn’t witness to that bout of idiotic imagery, wonder what makes him think so?

“Yes,” she admitted slowly, eyes sliding from his face to the generically pretty landscape painting on the wall above his left shoulder.  “But it usually takes somebody longer than a couple of weeks to figure it out.”

“Bluegrass…”  Even when he stood in front of her, Tony had to turn her head to make her look at him.  “You’re probably one of the sweetest people I know.”

“Sweet?” Lilah snorted, uncomfortably pulling away only to have him grab her chin again.  Lilah was forced to look directly into a pair of navy blue eyes that were intent upon stripping her naked.  Naked or not, she knew the truth about herself.  “You’ve lost your mind.  I’m sarcastic, not sweet.”

“You are sarcastic, but that mile-wide streak of sarcasm is why I like you so much.”

He thinks you’re sweet.  He likes your sarcasm.

Paramedics with crash carts rushed in to resuscitate the bluebirds.  One hit with the cardiac shock paddles and the little guys were up and flying again.  A little crazily at first, wobbling into to one another and banging heads, but they eventually evened out.  One of them even swooped in to pick up her deflated love balloon and started patching it with duct tape. 

“Just because he’s nice doesn’t mean he’s going to love you back.” Joanna’s voice echoed in her head when the balloon started lifting from the ground. 

Shut up, Jo, and let me enjoy my hard-earned moment of bliss.

Lilah bit the inside corner of her bottom lip and blinked up at Tony.  “Jersey…  I think it’s time for you to have your dessert.  Isn’t it?”

He had never looked more handsome to her than in that moment, and the picture of his wolfish grin was one she would carry in her mind for years to come. 

“It’s definitely time for a taste of something sweet.”

And, as his tongue slid between her lips, Lilah melted into his arms like a warm Hershey bar.

54 - Heal Me

TO: Aussie_Angel

FROM: MissLilahJane

July 12, 2011

Hi, hi!  It’s me, Mate!  All is well in Europe, I just felt like checking in with you. 

Actually, that’s not entirely true.  I’m licking my wounds and know how good you are at being a cheerleader.  Sorry.  Do you feel used?  You don’t have to cheerlead at all, really.  I’m going to type and bore you to tears. That will be therapeutic enough.  ;)

I went to the stadium with Tony a little bit ago and while he was working on something with Jon, I went up on stage.  On a side note, it was very cool.  Intimidating as hell, but very cool to have that perspective.  I can’t even imagine what it would be like when the stadium is full of people, feeling like a bug under a microscope. It kinda gave me a different perspective and a little more respect for the band. 

It also gave me an up-close and personal look at how much freaking WORK goes into setting up one of these shows.  Those folks work HARD getting everything ready for those couple of hours, only to tear it all down again.

But back to my story…

Tony and I rented a motorcycle today, like we did in Dublin, and escaped into the German countryside.  We visited a castle and it was very cool and we had a lot of fun.  He said he enjoyed the break from reality and, seeing more of his job, I get it.  I wondered if any more of the tour stops would allow us that kind of getaway for an hour or two. It seems the least I can do, considering how much he’s given me.

So there’s this crew guy on the stage and I ask him if he’s ever been to Europe before.  Funny guy.  I didn’t get his name, but he was real friendly.  Turns out that it’s his second run through Europe with the band.  Naturally, I assumed he knew more than I did, so I was telling him about the castle and asked about any other touristy-type spots that might be along the tour route.

In the middle of that, Tony pops up from under the stage, with Jon right behind him.  Long story short…

Lilah finished typing what had happened and told Angel how her feelings had been irrationally hurt, even though she was sure Tony hadn’t meant to.  She also confided that she was starting to feel stupid for allowing herself to feel wounded.   After thanking her friend for her time, she promised to write again soon and signed off.

She’d purposely not mailed Morgan, who would have just given her crap about being a girl and tell her to suck it up and to look at the bright side – he wanted to own her.  Angel, on the other hand, would be both indignant and sympathetic on Lilah’s behalf.  That’s all she wanted – somebody to sympathize with her stupidity instead of calling her out on it.  Just for a minute.

Even without Angel’s reply, merely sending the email made her feel better.  It had given her the chance to think through it and do what she did best – see both sides of the story.  Jo’s husband often referred to her as “Switzerland” because of her notoriously neutral stance on most everything.

The doorknob rattled and Lilah lifted her head, bracing herself.  Having no experience with pissed-off Tony, she had no idea of what to expect when that door opened.  What mood/attitude he would be bringing with him after she’d fairly walked away in a snit?

Her first look at his face had her slamming the lid on the laptop and rising to her feet, the ‘incident’ all but fleeing her mind.  Pain was etched into the lines around his mouth and there was a dull sheen coating eyes that were sunken under a drawn brow.

“What’s wrong?”

“You mean other than me being a dick?”  Even his voice was different.  Hurt had markedly subdued his usual confident tone.

“You weren’t a dick,” she argued quietly, smoothing her fingertips over the lines digging into his forehead, coaxing his already-squinting eyes to give it up and fully close.  “You told me what you were thinking, just like I asked.  End of story.”

He let a soft groan escape, reflexively leaning into her hand when she hit a particular spot on the right side of his forehead.

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.  I didn’t stop to think before I blurted that out.”

“Stop.”  The soft command was made distractedly as she now massaged the spot with her thumb.  Injured feelings or not, she liked how he operated and wouldn’t ask him to stifle his openness for the world.  “I’ve been lied to for most of my life, bein’ told that everything’s sunshine and roses.  I’ve gotta learn how to deal with reality, so don’t ever apologize for tellin' me the truth.”

“Baby,” he chuckled weakly.  “I’m not apologizing for speaking my mind, and I sure as hell don’t expect you to apologize for speaking yours.  I’m just sorry I wasn’t a little more tactful.  Blame it on the migraine.”

Migraine.  At least now she knew what to do for him.  Joanna got the vile things at least once a month, and Lilah had picked up a trick or two along the way. And she would as soon as they got one thing straight.

Lilah took a deep breath and found a rod of steel to insert in her backbone.  She might be soft in the head when it came to this man, but she couldn’t let herself be walked all over like a cheap rug – again.  If this was going to be, it was going to be different than anything that came before it.   

“Speakin' your mind is all well and good,” she agreed with a step backward.  “But I want to make somethin' perfectly clear.  I didn’t do anything to deserve bein’ spoken to the way you spoke to me.  I am not, nor have I ever been, a whore, and if you believe that for even a second…  We should consider today August first."

You just screwed it up Lilah.  He isn’t gonna want to be with a contrary, belligerent woman.  You ought to have kept your mouth shut and enjoyed the ride.

No.  If he couldn’t respect her, then he wasn’t the man she wanted to spend this slice of time with.  She respected him and would always feel lacking if he couldn't reciprocate.  She wouldn't put herself in a position to be lacking again if she could help it.

“I know you’re not, Bluegrass, and I’m sorry. I’ll explain when it doesn’t hurt to think.”

He’s hurtin’.  Let him off the hook already.

“Strip outta your clothes,” she instructed, taking pity on him and stroking his face with a conciliatory touch before moving to snap off the lights.  “I’ll get a hot shower started for you.  I’ll have some coffee waitin’ when you get out, and then you’ll crawl in bed so I can rub your head.”

“Slow the fuck down.  You don’t have to do all that.  I’ve got some pills in my bag that’ll knock it out in a couple hours.”

“I’ll have ‘em waitin’ with the coffee,” was her only concession, and it was made over her shoulder on the way into the bathroom.  He had slumped down on the bed, throwing his glasses to the side and using the back of his hand to shield his eyes from the remnants of light still in the room.  He made no effort to move.

I’ll get the shower started before I start proddin’ him any more.

When the water was steaming, she returned to find him unmoved, still wearing his jeans and boots.  “C’mon, Jersey,” she ordered gently.  “Get in the shower and let the water run over your head.  It’ll make you feel better.”

“Bluegrass, don’t fuss over me like some kinda mother hen.  I hate that.”

She grinned at him, something warm unfurling inside her chest.   His surly declaration didn’t surprise her at all.   “So do I.  Shower and take the drugs.  Then I’ll leave you to wallow in peaceful misery.”

She didn’t know if he decided to humor her, or if he actually thought the suggestion was a good idea.  Either way, he kicked off his boots and plodded wordlessly toward the bathroom.

It wasn’t an hour later that Tony was softly snoring despite the coffee Lilah had managed to coax him into drinking along with his pills.  A good scalp massage went a long way toward relaxation, she’d always found, and he wasn’t proving any differently.  She smiled affectionately at his lumpy form and resisted touching her lips to the back of his still-damp head before sliding her feet to the floor. 

Seven o’clock was too early for bed, even by her standards.

Tony rolled onto his back blinking into the shadowy darkness experimentally.  The Imitrex had done its job, or maybe it was the shower and Lilah’s pampering.  He couldn’t help but ruefully smirk as he rubbed his eyes with one hand.   With the exception of a short head rub, she had actually done as she said and let him be to recuperate in his own way. 

Tony had learned through a couple of early girlfriends that women felt obligated to coddle you to death when you were sick.  He’d also discovered that particular behavior drove him crazy.  It was more work humoring the people trying to help him than it was to be sick so, as a general rule, he tried to keep his ailments to himself.  If he started feeling under the weather, he would slink off into solitary confinement until it passed.

Lilah seemed to get that, and he was evermore grateful since he was stuck in a hotel room with her during one of his rare bouts of illness.

“How’s the headache?”

He slowly rolled his head to the side, searching for the woman who offered up the quietly drawled inquiry.  She was in the stuffed armchair by the window, laptop screen illuminating her face with equal parts light and shadow.

“Gone, I think.  You still mad at me?”

“I wasn’t mad to start with.  You gettin’ hungry?”

Lilah Bennett was an interesting one.  Most women would’ve slapped him and walked away for the stunt he’d pulled on stage today.  And then made him do penance for days, if not weeks.  But not Lilah.  A sincere apology and, by all appearances, she was going to let it go.  That either made her the most reasonable or the most gullible woman in the world. 

He was spared from deciding which it was by the growling of his stomach.   It felt like forever since they’d had lunch in the castle’s little café.  Food sounded pretty appealing.

“Yeah.  What time is it?”

“’Bout fifteen after nine.”  The lid to the laptop produced a muffled ‘click’ when she closed it, sinking the room back into full darkness.  “Jon called while you were asleep.  I hope it’s okay that I answered your phone.”

The fact that she answered it didn’t bother him so much as who’d been calling – and how he’d behaved.

“That’s fine.  What did he want?”

The mattress rocked when she joined him on the bed and when his palm encountered denim on her thigh, Tony discovered she was still wearing jeans.  He was naked and she was still fully clothed.

Something not quite right about that.

“He was just checkin’ on you.  Said he could tell you had one of ‘those’ headaches.”

“And…?”

“And nothin’.  That was all.  Oh.  Well, he did say to call him if you needed anything.”

So either Jon truly was over his prima donna neuroticism…  Or Lilah was keeping the peace again.

“Bluegrass…”  She stiffened a bit at the warning in his tone.  “No bullshit.”

In an instant she relaxed and chuckled softly.  “No bullshit, Jersey.  It was just that simple.  No snark or condescendin’ words on either side.”

“Halle-fuckin’-leujah.  Now…  You said something about food?”

“Mm.  Why don’t you hang out here and relax while I go grab us something from the restaurant downstairs?”

“I feel fine.  We can both go, or order room service.”

“Nuh-uh.  I don’t want to get dressed to go ‘out’ and I have a personal vendetta against room service.  All those extra surcharges annoy me.”

Now it was his turn to chuckle.  He never gave that stuff a second thought when he was working.  The tour paid for it, and he told her that, but she still held her ground. 

“Order for yourself if you like, but I’m goin’ downstairs to get somethin’.”

She kept insisting that she wasn’t stubborn, but damned if he didn’t keep running into it.  Yeah, most of the time she was pretty laid back and agreeable, but when she had an opinion, she stood by it.

“Fine,” he sighed and asked her to bring back a burger for him, since she was determined to go.  “Charge it all to the room.”

“Do you want dessert?”

Squeezing the thigh that was still resting under his hand, Tony traced the denim seam along the inside of her thigh all the way up to her crotch.  “I’ll take care of my dessert.”

“Your dessert thanks you,” she murmured, leaning down to find his lips in the darkness.  After kissing him with a sultry heat that had him semi-erect, Lilah drew slowly away, her fingertips regretfully dusting his cheek.  “But I should let you rest tonight.”

God, she’s sweet.

As long as he could get it up, he was going to fuck her as hard and as often as she would allow.  He was unashamedly horny, and it had been a long time since he’d had a partner on standby whenever he felt the urge.  Besides, this was a short-term relationship.  He was going to take full advantage of the always warm and willing Lilah before the clock ticked away.

“I will be buried in your hot little box tonight, baby, but I’ll let you be on top if it makes you feel any better.”

53 - Life is a Stage

“About damn time,” Jon bitched from the video director’s desk when Tony finally decided to grace the stadium with his presence, Lilah in tow.  With scarcely a glance at their knotted fingers, he demanded, “Where the hell have you been all friggin’ day?  I know your plane got in this morning.”

“I took a few hours off.”

His brothers had listened to him bitch so much over the years that they were pretty much immune to it.  That immunity was what made them invaluable as employees.  They didn’t waste time getting their feelings hurt by his dictates, knowing that it wasn’t personal.  Business was business and instead of listening to his tone, they just took in the words and fixed whatever needed fixing without a lot of attitude or bullshit.

“That was my fault,” Lilah’s apologetic Southern twang lilted its way into the conversation.  “I arranged to rent a motorcycle and we did a little tour of this part of Germany.  I thought Tony said he didn’t have to work until this evenin’.”

“I didn’t have to work.  Don’t apologize because Mr. Anal Retentive got a wild hair up his ass…”  He released her hand, stepping between Jon and the board to flip a couple of switches and twist a series of knobs.  “…that can be cut, colored and styled in about ten seconds.”

Jon rolled back in the desk chair, using his fist to give Tony a sharp tap in the thigh.  His growled “Asshole” immediately erased the smile dancing its way onto Lilah’s lips.  She went so far as to take a step back when Tony cuffed him in the back of the head in a half-hearted attempt at retaliation. 

Pushing to his feet, Jon propped fists on his hips and shook his head when Tony’s arm slipped around Lilah’s waist.  After a lifetime under their parents’ tutelage of touching, hugging and hand holding, all of the Bongiovi boys were physically affectionate, but this was the first time since Anouk that he could recall seeing Tony so comfortably familiar with a woman.

The ability to acknowledge that shoved Jon across the bridge from being civil to her, to being nice – willingly. “He’s right, Lilah.  Don’t apologize.   TBJ’s a big boy and he does as he damn well pleases.” 

The surprise that widened her un-enhanced eyes was fleeting, and gave Jon a twinge of remorse.  Had he been such a dick that his semi-kind remark warranted astonishment?

You know you have.

“Alright,” she agreed, leaning her weight into his brother and peering up at him with a smile.  “I wash my hands of all accountability.  You’re on your own, honey.”

Jon was curious.  “You one of those types?  That calls everybody honey?”

Or are you making your mark on Tony?

“Not everybody, but a lotta bodies, yes.   Honey.  Sweetie.  Baby.  I try not to overkill the sappiness, but it just happens sometimes.”

He nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.  Some people were just like that, and he’d met his fair share touring through the years.

“Tone, before you go, I’d like to see the new sequence you’ve got for Bad Medicine.”

Looking down on the woman at his side, Tony asked her, “You mind sticking around a few minutes, Bluegrass?”

“Nope.  Not a bit.  Think I’ll go for a little walk around the stadium, though, rather than hangin’ over your shoulder like a vulture.”

“Alright.”  He bent for a brief swipe of his lips over hers.  “Keep within screaming distance though, would ya?”

“If it makes you feel better, I s’pose I could.”

The two were ridiculous together, Jon thought.  Like a couple of teenagers who couldn’t keep their hands off of each other.  And the way she was grinning at Tony as though the rest of the world had melted away?  Jon had been on the receiving end of that kind of overt affection before.  Dorothea looked at him that way on the days she was really happy with him and wanted to show him just how happy. 

It made Jon feel like he was intruding on an intimate moment. 

About the time he started to fidget and turn away, Lilah asked Tony, “Is it okay if I go up on stage if I promise to keep my hands to myself?”  Her eyes flicked to Jon, including him in the question.

He gave a slight nod, reinforcing Tony’s affirmative response.  If she was going to sabotage anything, she would’ve done it already.  He was finally starting to accept that maybe what you saw was what you got with Lilah Bennett. 

Maybe.

He would do a once-over after she’d gone, to be safe.  The neuroticism that Jon had been cultivating so diligently wasn’t going to just waft away on the breeze, for God’s sake.  Eventually perhaps, but for now he was trying.  He deserved points for that, right?

“Thank you.  I’ll be somewhere close by.”

After she’d disappeared up the slight staircase and onto the stage, Tony dragged his eyes from her as to Jon’s face and gestured with his thumb.  “Okay, move.  Lemme have my chair.”

He side-stepped to allow his brother access the video “throne” and paid close attention as he efficiently called up the requested sequence on the laptop screen.  As with many things he did, Jon’s single request led to another and another until they ended up talking about some new crap Tony wanted to milk him for.  After the tour, he would consider it, but for now they were sticking with what they had.  It was too near the end. 

Tony flicked a couple of switches and the video monitors flared to life.  The empty stage came into focus and he flicked another switch to set the camera in motion.  “Dammit, Jon, I’m telling you this wiggle…” The frame jumped a bit as the camera rolled.  “…wasn’t there at the start of this leg.  It’s bugging the hell out of me, and I’m tired of fixing it two or three times in every city.”

A flash of denim and a ponytail caught his eye.  “Whoa, whoa.  Back the camera up.”

Grunting impatiently at Jon’s ADD, Tony did as he asked and manipulated the switch that sent the camera back the way it came.   In seconds, Lilah was in the frame, her head thrown back with laughter as she stood next to one of the crew members.

“Looks like Mark’s keeping her good company while she waits.”

Whether Jon’s words were intended to be provoking or not, Tony’s spine bristled as Lilah’s open hand came to rest on the forearm of the video crew member who was supposed to be putting protective plastic over the cameras to protect them from the weather.  The sick feeling in Tony’s stomach was one he hadn’t felt in a long time.  It was the one he’d had when finding his wife screwing around on him, and it was quickly followed by another ‘nostalgic’ feeling – the beginnings of a migraine.

Was she flirting with Mark?  The guy was sure grinning wide enough, he thought, rubbing at the stabbing pain over his right eye.

What the hell is your problem, Bongiovi?  You told her you had nothing to offer her.

After the tour.  He’d told her he had nothing to offer her after the tour.  Hadn’t it been perfectly clear that for the next twenty days, she was his?  His alone.

Anouk fucked with your head.  You buried that inferiority bone a long time back.  Let it go.  Lilah isn’t trolling for a fresh catch. 

“I’m glad she found somebody to talk to while I was busy.”

The words were sharper than he intended them to be, and his brother’s blonde eyebrow slipped skeptically up his forehead.  He peered pointedly at the fingertips Tony was driving into his skull in an effort to stem the debilitating headache that was blooming. 

 “Not real convincing, bro.”

“I’m not the jealous type.  You know that.”  I didn’t used to be, anyway.  Before I walked in on my wife fucking another man in my bed. This is why I can’t do a relationship.  “Stop trying to stir shit, Jon.”

“Not doin’ any such thing.  I was just makin’ a casual observation.”

Pushing back from the video desk, Tony cut off power to the various components of the board, monitors and laptop.  Then he tried to brush by his big brother, but Jon’s hand wrapped around his bicep and halted him before the tread of his boot connected with the first step up to the stage. 

“Tone.”  Eyes bluer than his own were solemn.  “I’m sure it’s perfectly innocent.  She’s just passing time waiting for you.”

He extracted his arm, trying to appreciate the effort Jon was making rather than being pissed at the implication that things weren’t perfectly innocent.  If anyone was going to jump to conclusions, it was going to be him – all on his own – without anybody else’s help. 

“I never thought otherwise,” he staunchly declared and bounded up the stairs. The stage platform vibrated under the force of his heavy footfall and he could feel the resulting vibration shimmy up the back of his leg. 

He wasn’t the only one to feel the vibration.  Lilah’s head whipped around, her hand falling away from Mark’s arm as her feet followed her head and the rest of her body spun toward him when he said, “Bluegrass.”

Intently studying her face for an indication of any ‘wrong-doing’, Tony found no trace of guilt in the bottomless Caribbean eyes.  The excited light in her eyes actually illuminated the Caribbean from within.  She wasn’t a woman caught red-handed, she was a woman who was thrilled to see him – even after only a short time apart.

“All done?” was her chipper inquiry before getting a good look at his face.  Unhappy with whatever she saw, her features immediately crumpled into a mask of concern and she strode to his side.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”  Using her wrist, he hauled her into him and bent his head, claiming her mouth with zero tenderness and all male arrogance.  If she didn’t get the meaning behind the cockily possessive claim, Mark sure as hell would.  And if he didn’t, Tony would lay it out for him in painstaking detail later.

“Mmnh!”  She broke away from the punishing lip-lock with a sharp shove on his shoulder, confused by his behavior.  Her eyes flicked over his shoulder, back to the top of the staircase, where Jon was standing with arms folded over his chest.  “What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

Nothing a couple years’ therapy won’t cure.  Jesus.

“No bullshit between us, Jersey.  Speak your mind already.”

The quiet command was enough to make his feeling-like-a-horse’s-ass quotient skyrocket.  It hadn’t been an hour since he’d given her this lecture.  This was what made her different.  He didn’t have to play games, because this wasn’t going anywhere.  There was no reason to hold back and let anything fester inside him.

So he didn’t.

“I won’t be fucked around on.  I promised you the rest of the tour, but I neglected to mention that I’m not sharing you during that time.  You’re mine, and only mine, until August first.  Get it?”

It was the first time he’d seen her face go red with anything other than embarrassment.  Anger had her nostrils flaring and her eyes sparked  as she cocked one hip and crammed balled-up hands into her back pockets. 

“Later, I’ll prob’ly think that whole possessive thing is a turn-on, but right now I’m pissed that you’re talkin’ like I’m some kinda whore.  No…”  Her ponytail swung with the shake of her head, and he couldn’t help but notice that her exposed cleavage jiggled along.  “I take that back.  Sadly enough, I don’t have enough sense to be pissed like I should.  Instead, my damn sissy-girl feelin’s are hurt because you don’t trust me.”

She shook her head again and made for the stairs on Richie’s side of the stage.  “I’ll find my own way back to the hotel.”

Smooth move, you fucking genius.

“Bluegrass…”

But her feet never slowed and her tennis shoes clattered down the metal stairs while he stood watching, rooted to the spot like some kind of tattooed biker tree.

“Uh…  Tony?”  Mark spoke a little hesitantly.  He’d never seen anything but his boss, the demanding-but-notoriously-easy-going TBJ.  The rude introduction to the boss’s private life was probably a little awkward for him, but Tony couldn’t say that he cared at the moment.

“What?” he almost barked at the other man.

To his credit, Mark didn’t flinch.  He squared his shoulders and stared a belligerent Tony dead in the eye.   “Lilah was telling me about the castle you guys went to today and asking if I knew of any other cool places in our tour stops.  She wanted to take you riding again.”  The video tech nimbly jumped off the side of the stage without waiting for a response.

Of course she did, Tony thought, rubbing at the spot on his forehead where someone had pierced his skull with an icicle.  Because it wasn’t bad enough that she’d been cheated on, maimed, and attacked.  He had to be an asshole and see what other kind of damage he could inflict on her.

While he was in the midst of his mental bitching session, an amused voice forced its way in.  “Still think fuck ‘n’ run is such a bad idea?”

“Jesus Christ, Jon.  Shut up, will ya?”