54 - Heal Me

TO: Aussie_Angel

FROM: MissLilahJane

July 12, 2011

Hi, hi!  It’s me, Mate!  All is well in Europe, I just felt like checking in with you. 

Actually, that’s not entirely true.  I’m licking my wounds and know how good you are at being a cheerleader.  Sorry.  Do you feel used?  You don’t have to cheerlead at all, really.  I’m going to type and bore you to tears. That will be therapeutic enough.  ;)

I went to the stadium with Tony a little bit ago and while he was working on something with Jon, I went up on stage.  On a side note, it was very cool.  Intimidating as hell, but very cool to have that perspective.  I can’t even imagine what it would be like when the stadium is full of people, feeling like a bug under a microscope. It kinda gave me a different perspective and a little more respect for the band. 

It also gave me an up-close and personal look at how much freaking WORK goes into setting up one of these shows.  Those folks work HARD getting everything ready for those couple of hours, only to tear it all down again.

But back to my story…

Tony and I rented a motorcycle today, like we did in Dublin, and escaped into the German countryside.  We visited a castle and it was very cool and we had a lot of fun.  He said he enjoyed the break from reality and, seeing more of his job, I get it.  I wondered if any more of the tour stops would allow us that kind of getaway for an hour or two. It seems the least I can do, considering how much he’s given me.

So there’s this crew guy on the stage and I ask him if he’s ever been to Europe before.  Funny guy.  I didn’t get his name, but he was real friendly.  Turns out that it’s his second run through Europe with the band.  Naturally, I assumed he knew more than I did, so I was telling him about the castle and asked about any other touristy-type spots that might be along the tour route.

In the middle of that, Tony pops up from under the stage, with Jon right behind him.  Long story short…

Lilah finished typing what had happened and told Angel how her feelings had been irrationally hurt, even though she was sure Tony hadn’t meant to.  She also confided that she was starting to feel stupid for allowing herself to feel wounded.   After thanking her friend for her time, she promised to write again soon and signed off.

She’d purposely not mailed Morgan, who would have just given her crap about being a girl and tell her to suck it up and to look at the bright side – he wanted to own her.  Angel, on the other hand, would be both indignant and sympathetic on Lilah’s behalf.  That’s all she wanted – somebody to sympathize with her stupidity instead of calling her out on it.  Just for a minute.

Even without Angel’s reply, merely sending the email made her feel better.  It had given her the chance to think through it and do what she did best – see both sides of the story.  Jo’s husband often referred to her as “Switzerland” because of her notoriously neutral stance on most everything.

The doorknob rattled and Lilah lifted her head, bracing herself.  Having no experience with pissed-off Tony, she had no idea of what to expect when that door opened.  What mood/attitude he would be bringing with him after she’d fairly walked away in a snit?

Her first look at his face had her slamming the lid on the laptop and rising to her feet, the ‘incident’ all but fleeing her mind.  Pain was etched into the lines around his mouth and there was a dull sheen coating eyes that were sunken under a drawn brow.

“What’s wrong?”

“You mean other than me being a dick?”  Even his voice was different.  Hurt had markedly subdued his usual confident tone.

“You weren’t a dick,” she argued quietly, smoothing her fingertips over the lines digging into his forehead, coaxing his already-squinting eyes to give it up and fully close.  “You told me what you were thinking, just like I asked.  End of story.”

He let a soft groan escape, reflexively leaning into her hand when she hit a particular spot on the right side of his forehead.

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.  I didn’t stop to think before I blurted that out.”

“Stop.”  The soft command was made distractedly as she now massaged the spot with her thumb.  Injured feelings or not, she liked how he operated and wouldn’t ask him to stifle his openness for the world.  “I’ve been lied to for most of my life, bein’ told that everything’s sunshine and roses.  I’ve gotta learn how to deal with reality, so don’t ever apologize for tellin' me the truth.”

“Baby,” he chuckled weakly.  “I’m not apologizing for speaking my mind, and I sure as hell don’t expect you to apologize for speaking yours.  I’m just sorry I wasn’t a little more tactful.  Blame it on the migraine.”

Migraine.  At least now she knew what to do for him.  Joanna got the vile things at least once a month, and Lilah had picked up a trick or two along the way. And she would as soon as they got one thing straight.

Lilah took a deep breath and found a rod of steel to insert in her backbone.  She might be soft in the head when it came to this man, but she couldn’t let herself be walked all over like a cheap rug – again.  If this was going to be, it was going to be different than anything that came before it.   

“Speakin' your mind is all well and good,” she agreed with a step backward.  “But I want to make somethin' perfectly clear.  I didn’t do anything to deserve bein’ spoken to the way you spoke to me.  I am not, nor have I ever been, a whore, and if you believe that for even a second…  We should consider today August first."

You just screwed it up Lilah.  He isn’t gonna want to be with a contrary, belligerent woman.  You ought to have kept your mouth shut and enjoyed the ride.

No.  If he couldn’t respect her, then he wasn’t the man she wanted to spend this slice of time with.  She respected him and would always feel lacking if he couldn't reciprocate.  She wouldn't put herself in a position to be lacking again if she could help it.

“I know you’re not, Bluegrass, and I’m sorry. I’ll explain when it doesn’t hurt to think.”

He’s hurtin’.  Let him off the hook already.

“Strip outta your clothes,” she instructed, taking pity on him and stroking his face with a conciliatory touch before moving to snap off the lights.  “I’ll get a hot shower started for you.  I’ll have some coffee waitin’ when you get out, and then you’ll crawl in bed so I can rub your head.”

“Slow the fuck down.  You don’t have to do all that.  I’ve got some pills in my bag that’ll knock it out in a couple hours.”

“I’ll have ‘em waitin’ with the coffee,” was her only concession, and it was made over her shoulder on the way into the bathroom.  He had slumped down on the bed, throwing his glasses to the side and using the back of his hand to shield his eyes from the remnants of light still in the room.  He made no effort to move.

I’ll get the shower started before I start proddin’ him any more.

When the water was steaming, she returned to find him unmoved, still wearing his jeans and boots.  “C’mon, Jersey,” she ordered gently.  “Get in the shower and let the water run over your head.  It’ll make you feel better.”

“Bluegrass, don’t fuss over me like some kinda mother hen.  I hate that.”

She grinned at him, something warm unfurling inside her chest.   His surly declaration didn’t surprise her at all.   “So do I.  Shower and take the drugs.  Then I’ll leave you to wallow in peaceful misery.”

She didn’t know if he decided to humor her, or if he actually thought the suggestion was a good idea.  Either way, he kicked off his boots and plodded wordlessly toward the bathroom.

It wasn’t an hour later that Tony was softly snoring despite the coffee Lilah had managed to coax him into drinking along with his pills.  A good scalp massage went a long way toward relaxation, she’d always found, and he wasn’t proving any differently.  She smiled affectionately at his lumpy form and resisted touching her lips to the back of his still-damp head before sliding her feet to the floor. 

Seven o’clock was too early for bed, even by her standards.

Tony rolled onto his back blinking into the shadowy darkness experimentally.  The Imitrex had done its job, or maybe it was the shower and Lilah’s pampering.  He couldn’t help but ruefully smirk as he rubbed his eyes with one hand.   With the exception of a short head rub, she had actually done as she said and let him be to recuperate in his own way. 

Tony had learned through a couple of early girlfriends that women felt obligated to coddle you to death when you were sick.  He’d also discovered that particular behavior drove him crazy.  It was more work humoring the people trying to help him than it was to be sick so, as a general rule, he tried to keep his ailments to himself.  If he started feeling under the weather, he would slink off into solitary confinement until it passed.

Lilah seemed to get that, and he was evermore grateful since he was stuck in a hotel room with her during one of his rare bouts of illness.

“How’s the headache?”

He slowly rolled his head to the side, searching for the woman who offered up the quietly drawled inquiry.  She was in the stuffed armchair by the window, laptop screen illuminating her face with equal parts light and shadow.

“Gone, I think.  You still mad at me?”

“I wasn’t mad to start with.  You gettin’ hungry?”

Lilah Bennett was an interesting one.  Most women would’ve slapped him and walked away for the stunt he’d pulled on stage today.  And then made him do penance for days, if not weeks.  But not Lilah.  A sincere apology and, by all appearances, she was going to let it go.  That either made her the most reasonable or the most gullible woman in the world. 

He was spared from deciding which it was by the growling of his stomach.   It felt like forever since they’d had lunch in the castle’s little café.  Food sounded pretty appealing.

“Yeah.  What time is it?”

“’Bout fifteen after nine.”  The lid to the laptop produced a muffled ‘click’ when she closed it, sinking the room back into full darkness.  “Jon called while you were asleep.  I hope it’s okay that I answered your phone.”

The fact that she answered it didn’t bother him so much as who’d been calling – and how he’d behaved.

“That’s fine.  What did he want?”

The mattress rocked when she joined him on the bed and when his palm encountered denim on her thigh, Tony discovered she was still wearing jeans.  He was naked and she was still fully clothed.

Something not quite right about that.

“He was just checkin’ on you.  Said he could tell you had one of ‘those’ headaches.”

“And…?”

“And nothin’.  That was all.  Oh.  Well, he did say to call him if you needed anything.”

So either Jon truly was over his prima donna neuroticism…  Or Lilah was keeping the peace again.

“Bluegrass…”  She stiffened a bit at the warning in his tone.  “No bullshit.”

In an instant she relaxed and chuckled softly.  “No bullshit, Jersey.  It was just that simple.  No snark or condescendin’ words on either side.”

“Halle-fuckin’-leujah.  Now…  You said something about food?”

“Mm.  Why don’t you hang out here and relax while I go grab us something from the restaurant downstairs?”

“I feel fine.  We can both go, or order room service.”

“Nuh-uh.  I don’t want to get dressed to go ‘out’ and I have a personal vendetta against room service.  All those extra surcharges annoy me.”

Now it was his turn to chuckle.  He never gave that stuff a second thought when he was working.  The tour paid for it, and he told her that, but she still held her ground. 

“Order for yourself if you like, but I’m goin’ downstairs to get somethin’.”

She kept insisting that she wasn’t stubborn, but damned if he didn’t keep running into it.  Yeah, most of the time she was pretty laid back and agreeable, but when she had an opinion, she stood by it.

“Fine,” he sighed and asked her to bring back a burger for him, since she was determined to go.  “Charge it all to the room.”

“Do you want dessert?”

Squeezing the thigh that was still resting under his hand, Tony traced the denim seam along the inside of her thigh all the way up to her crotch.  “I’ll take care of my dessert.”

“Your dessert thanks you,” she murmured, leaning down to find his lips in the darkness.  After kissing him with a sultry heat that had him semi-erect, Lilah drew slowly away, her fingertips regretfully dusting his cheek.  “But I should let you rest tonight.”

God, she’s sweet.

As long as he could get it up, he was going to fuck her as hard and as often as she would allow.  He was unashamedly horny, and it had been a long time since he’d had a partner on standby whenever he felt the urge.  Besides, this was a short-term relationship.  He was going to take full advantage of the always warm and willing Lilah before the clock ticked away.

“I will be buried in your hot little box tonight, baby, but I’ll let you be on top if it makes you feel any better.”