59 - Fast Forward

July 14, 2011

TO:  Morgan_Prince

FROM:  MissLilahJane

Made it to Switzerland and OMG am I ready for a real bed.  That bunk on the bus wasn’t made for sleeping.  Or the other things we did in it.  :P

FYI – Thank you for your last email. You know when I need to hear the hard stuff and you’ll give it to me even if you don’t really want to.  That’s a real friend and I hope you know how much I appreciate it and you.

Also wanted to let you know that, as a result of that email, I’ll be living a different life for the rest of this tour.  I’m going to put myself out there instead of standing idly by wishing I could ask Richie this, Tico that, or Jon the other.  I’m going to have the experience I want to have.  Now that doesn’t mean I’m going to turn into some domineering bitch.  I’ll still have my boundaries, but I kind of like having a little swagger...... and Tony seems to REALLY like it.  :D

Thanks for being you. This is gonna be fun! 

xoxo

✧✧✧

July 16, 2011

TO:  Morgan_Prince; aussie_angel

FROM:  MissLilahJane

OMG girls!  It was SUCH a good set list tonight in Mannheim!  They did “Radio Saved My Life Tonight” and…  “Miss Fourth of July”!!! 

Do you know what’s so great about M4J?  I was rattling on to Tony about ‘perfect’ set lists and mentioned that song as a favorite, seeing as I’d only heard it live one time and it was in a fairly small arena, not a big open-air stadium.  Anyway, he said if I was making song requests I was making them to the wrong brother.  He grabbed Jon, who happened to be walking by, and said, “Ask him.”  So I did! 

Now, he didn’t jump up and down with excitement at my brilliant suggestion, but he didn’t shoot me down either.  He just nodded and said it might be a possibility.

AND HE PLAYED IT!! 

Where’s my invisible jet?  I feel as powerful as Wonder Woman right now!   Ooo… or SHE-RA! *rawr*

I’m on the bus for another “runner”.  Here’s hoping this bus trip is as enjoyable as the first one…

Sincerely,

Your favorite dork

✧✧✧

“Tony?”

“Hey, Dottie.” He rolled back from the video desk with a grin, always pleased to hear from his sister-in-law, despite the randomness of her call. 

She didn’t call to chat with him.  They talked about birthdays and holidays, occasionally the kids and… Jon.  Seeing as there were no birthdays or holidays looming in the immediate future, his money was on Jon.

“How are things going?”

Tony chuckled, twirling around in his chair to watch the rain trickle down from the Udine sky.  It was going to be one of those soggy shows.  “Subtle isn’t your thing, so why don’t you just come out and ask?  You wanna know about Jon or Lilah?”

“Jon,” she answered without hesitation.  “And how he’s behaving with Lilah.  He tells me to stop being a nagging wife and that everything is fine, but I want another opinion.”

Trust Dottie to keep an iron fist on things…

“He’s telling the truth.  It’s all good.  In fact, I think he’s taking her suggestion for tonight’s set list.”

“Good.  I’m glad for both your sakes and I assume that mean things are still going okay between you and her?”

He smiled.  Yeah, things were going okay.  Tony still had no idea what happened between Dusseldorf and Zurich, but Lilah was…  amazing.  He’d already had an undeniable attraction to her, but since this Southern belle swagger of hers had decided to stick around, she was irresistible.

“Yep.  She’s turning into a motorcycle mama and you know how that agrees with me.  We’ve on bike trips to a castle and the Black Forest in the last couple days.  Tomorrow we’re exploring the Italian countryside.”

“I’m happy for you Tony.” 

Sappiness all but dripped from those few words, causing Tony to sit straight up and shake his head in denial, even though she couldn’t see him.  He knew what that meant and he needed to nip it in the bud.

“Don’t get any ideas.  We’re enjoying each other for as long as we’re here.  That’s it.”

“Of course.  I know that.”

Gah.  She was placating him.  He hated that with a fierce and fiery passion. 

“Dottie…” he cautioned. 

“What?  I just agreed with you!  Moving right along… I know you’re going to Sturgis the first couple weeks in August, but you’re coming to the Hampton house to spend a week after that, right?  Jake and Romeo keep asking…”

God, he missed those little guys.  His brother’s kids held his heart in the palms of their grubby little hands.  He didn’t know if he’d ever have kids of his own, but Jake, Romeo and Rocco did an awesome job of filling the gap. 

“Yeah.  I have to pick up my new car, remember?  Tell the little knuckleheads I’ll be there to boogeyboard with them that third week of August.  I’m looking forward to it.”

“I’ll let them know.  And…  Well, if you decide you want to bring a guest with you, that’s okay, too.”

✧✧✧

July 17, 2011

TO:  aussie_angel

FROM:  MissLilahJane

Hi!!  Udine was A-MA-ZING!  There was this huge thing that the whole stadium got together and did.  They all held up cards.  One side of the stadium was an Italian flag and the other said ‘Bon Jovi’.  Jon was so grateful, he actually tried to do “Lie to Me”.  Richie helped out a little with the chords, but without the words, he didn’t make it all that far.  Very touching and cool of him though!

One other thing happened….  Something kind of creepy. 

That night that I spent in Dusseldorf alone?  I had crazy dreams all night.  I was at an outdoor venue, back stage watching the crowd before the show.  They all had on those plastic ponchos and whatnot.  When I went under the stage, there were was one spot where the rain had leaked in and made a puddle – right next to an extension cord.   In my dream, I either went to pick it up and got electrocuted, or Tony kicked the plug into the puddle and got electrocuted.  It scared the beepers out of me at the time, but that’s nothing compared to how it scared me tonight.

Yes, that’s right.  I went back stage to find Tony sitting at the desk with two big, huge extension cords that were plugged together right next to his foot, which was….  Right next to a puddle.  I screamed like a lunatic for him to be careful and scared the beepers out of him, too, but he admitted he hadn’t seen the puddle.

I’m a little freaked out.  When I told him I came to save his life, I didn’t think I meant it literally. 

That’s stupid isn’t it?  I’m making things where there are no things.

It still creeps me out though….

✧✧✧

July 18, 2011

TO:  Morgan_Prince

FROM:  MissLilahJane

Italy is beautiful, in case you didn’t know that already.  We took another motorcycle ride since there was an extra day in the schedule.  This time we trolled around Northern Italy and into Austria.  There was another castle there and we managed to find another great little forest to have a - *ahem* - picnic in.  I never thought I would be such a lover of nature.  Or IN nature?  Yes, I know, TMI and I shan’t say anything more.  It’s not ladylike after all.

Oh…  Your boyfriend was a sweetheart at last night’s show.  Made himself look less than perfectly capable just so he could accommodate a fan who organized a huge show of appreciation for the band.  His ass-quotient keeps dropping.  Relax.  I’m not talking about THAT ass.  I meant the personality characteristic.  He’s been very nice to me lately.

Guess who else has been nice to me?  Mike Rew.  I finally just flat-out asked him what the hell his problem was and why he was always giving me a Chester-the Molester smirk.  It was very strange.  He acted like he had no idea he was doing it and apologized.  I don’t believe that crap, but he isn’t looking at me like that anymore.  Mission accomplished, I reckon. 

Still think I might ask Tony about it.  Just out of curiosity.

✧✧✧

“Rew.”

His buddy spun around from where he was supervising the unload process at the Athens Sports Hall, chin lifted expectantly.  “Yeah?”

Pulling him aside to keep his question on the down-low Tony asked, “Lilah says you keep looking at her like Chester the Molester.  What’s the deal?”

He fully expected Mike to deny it and tell him he’d lost his fucking mind, but that didn’t happen.  The chin that had been pointed upward took a nosedive into Mike’s chest.

“I already told her I was sorry.  I didn’t realize I was doing it.”

Tony’s temper spiked unexpectedly.  That damn jealous streak that had been planted by Anouk raised its green-eyed head and snarled like a rabid dog.

Down, dumbass.

“Okay, I got that, but why were you doing it?”

He shrugged, offering Tony a smoke that he willingly accepted.  Lighting the tip to a cherry red and passing his lighter over, he shoved a hand in his pocket and shrugged.  “I think it’s funny.”

“What – exactly – is it that you find so friggin’ funny that it makes you leer at Lilah every time you see her?”  He blew a puff of smoke skyward, willing himself the patience to listen to the guy.

“I dunno, man.  I just never figured her for your type and I think it’s funny that you’re hooked up with her.  I’m trying to see the appeal.”

So much for jealousy.  It was his protective instincts coming to the forefront now.  Tony was pissed that Mike had the nerve to pass judgment on his… whatever Lilah was.  There was nothing unappealing about her.

“You don’t fucking need to see the appeal, numbnuts.  Keep your opinions and your stupid ass smirks to yourself.”

“Hey!  Don’t get all bent outta shape, T.  I like the girl, but she’s a groupie.  You always avoid those like the plague.  I figured she’s got something going on that I don’t know about, since you can’t keep your hands off her.”

Yeah.  Passion, personality and a heart of gold.  So what?  Back the hell off.

Tony flicked his cigarette to the ground with more force than necessary.  “Don’t make me repeat myself, Mike.”

✧✧✧

July 26, 2011

TO: aussie_angel; Morgan_Prince

FROM:  MissLilahJane

Hey girls!  Sorry it’s been a few days since I checked in.  We’ve been exploring the great ruins of Greece, motorcycling in Austria and lounging on the beach in Belgium.  Sitting in the hotel in Barcelona right now.  It’s hard to believe that there are only three more shows left. 

Three more shows until my rock’n’roll fairytale comes to an end and I part ways with the most amazing man I’ve ever known.  I suppose I don’t have to tell y’all that I fell in love with him. 

*shrug*

I wish I hadn’t, because it’s going to be SO much harder to walk away in 6 days and go back to my regular life.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m excited to be going home and get some rest (I’m freaking EXHAUSTED!) but………  It’s not going to be the same. 

I’ve gotten used to sleeping with him.  I’ve gotten used to the phenomenal sex and the way he always has his hand on me.  We’ve talked and talked and talked until I feel like he knows everything about me.  Maybe not all the facts and details, but knows ME. 

I didn’t tell y’all this because I figured you’d think I was nuts, but I’ve had this nagging feeling since before I got here that Tony’s biological clock is ticking.  He talks about his nieces and nephews with his heart in his eyes and I just feel it’s a crime that he doesn’t have a child of his own.  The psycho insane part of me has started to tell him on several occasions that I would gladly have his baby, but then I realize how psycho insane that sounds. 

*sigh*

I have issues.

On a less wrist-slitting note, Richie played a song for me in sound check at Zeebrugge.  Wanna guess what it was?  Yeah, you couldn’t if you tried.  “My Old Kentucky Home”.  I was shocked, to say the least.  Why does he even KNOW that song, much less how to wail it out on an electric guitar?

Strange guys, these men of Jovi.  I’m going to miss them all.

Talk soon…

Xoxo

✧✧✧

July 27, 2011

FROM:  aussie_angel

TO:  MissLilahJane

Oh LiLee.  My heart is breaking for you that this amazing journey is over.  I don't think you ever intended to fall in love and that makes saying goodbye nearly impossible, doesn't it?  How are you going to be able to just walk away?  How is he??  Something tells me this isn't over for you two.  I hope. :)  !!!!  Why can't it continue?  Hmmm????

You've had an amazing summer!  You done things so outside of your box and shocked the hell outta me!  LOL  I'm so glad you decided to go to Europe.  You deserved every moment of this adventure! 

See?  Dreams DO come true!!!!!

Safe travels home and I want to hear from you the minute you are settled. 

xoxoxo

~A~

PS)  Babies???  BABIES??  I fullly support that one!!!!!!!  <3

✧✧✧

July 28, 2011

TO:  Morgan_Prince

FROM:  MissLilahJane

Okay, Morgan.  I’ve had a conversation with you in my head all day while roaming the coast of Spain on the back of a Harley.  Bay of Biscay is beautiful, btw.  No surprise there.  Think we might come back for a moonlight swim tonight. 

As I was saying… My arms were wrapped around Tony, enjoying the sun on my back and the man between my thighs and I was wondering what to do when I leave in 3 days.  I kept thinking I can’t tell him I’m in love with him because he’s still consistently saying this is a “here and now” thing.  I signed up for those rules so I should abide by them.  Correct?  I mean it’s the right thing to do.  Isn’t it?

But – and I’m so glad I can have these conversations with you even when you’re not available – then I thought about you encouraging me to make the life I want.  The life I want has him in it for at least the foreseeable future.  Will I ever get married again?  Probably not, but I’m not ready to let him go yet. 

He gets me and my ridiculous sarcasm-slash-sense of humor.  He wants me, and I know this because he’s always affectionate – even in public – without being all smothery and coddling.  He has a level head on his shoulders and the bottom line is…  I respect the man.  That’s a huge deal for me. 

So.  Do I take a chance and tell him? 

*wrinkles nose* 

The answer is yes.  Yes, I tell him.   If the timing is right, I will almost definitely, probably tell him.  Maybe.

*sigh*

✧✧✧

July 29, 2011

TO:  MissLilahJane

FROM:  Morgan_Prince

Well…  Good to know you’ve got somebody’s voice besides your own rattling around in that astounding mind of yours.  Glad I could be of service.  Sort of.

But in case my voice wasn’t loud enough…

Tell him Lilah.  If you walk away without saying anything, then it’s over.  That’s a fact.  If you tell him, you’ve got a 50/50 shot at something else.  What’s that lyric you like to quote?  Oh yeah.  “You can’t win until you’re not afraid to lose.”  Truth.

If TBJ is as into you as your emails lead me to believe, then he’s ACTUALLY into you twice that much.  Why do I think that?  Because you can’t seem to believe anything good when it comes to you. 

You’ve found a backbone these last two weeks.  Take it out for a test drive, baby.  See what it can do, and let me know what happens.

✧✧✧

July 31, 2011

TO:  UnDrew_wear

FROM:  MissLilahJane

Andrew, tonight is the last concert.  I just want to remind you that I’ll be home tomorrow night.  My plane gets in about 11 o’clock.  You’ll still be there to get me at the airport, won’t you? 

I’m texting you, too, but since you didn’t answer your phone and I know you don’t check voicemail, I figured I’d cover all my bases.  Let me know that you got at least one of my reminders, please??

Miss you, baby.  Can’t wait to see you and hug the stuffing out of you.

I love you!

Lilah closed the laptop, blinking back the tears.  She would be excited to see her son and Joanna.  It would be good to get home, and it wouldn’t take five minutes to feel like she’d never left.

Isn’t that what you’re most afraid of?